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21 Questions for a New Relationship

Stepped into a brand-new relationship? 21 questions for a new relationship can help. You must be dying to know more and more about your partner! But often, at the very beginning, a new couple feels awkward and needs to learn to find out everything about the other person. You can unravel information and discover your partner’s likes and dislikes through fun and games. 

We have compiled different sets of ‘21 questions for a new relationship’, and you can select a set now and then based on the comfort level you currently share with them.

Take turns while answering questions. You can either ask him/her all the questions and then let your partner ask you the questions.

Or you can both answer each question alternatively. This will keep the ‘getting to know you phase’ equally interesting for both of you. This is where relationship questions are crucial.

They help start a fun conversation where the two of you learn about your future commitment together.

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

Getting to know you 21 questions for a new relationship

These questions are great when you have newly introduced yourself to a potential partner. When you are on one of your very first dates, you don’t want to overwhelm them with deep questions. Break the ice by asking some casual questions, which will help you decide if you want to have an official and long relationship with this person. 

The following basic 21 questions for a new relationship are great conversation starters:

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

1) What are three to five words that you would use to describe yourself?

The adjectives your love interest uses to define themselves can be very helpful for you to understand how they are. It will give you a glimpse into what they think of themselves. Are they pompous? Are they down-to-earth? You will probably understand whether they are a positive person or a confident person, in short, the most defining qualities.

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

2) Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Understanding the personality type is crucial for any relationship to move forward. An introvert has certain traits, and an extrovert has certain traits. It will help you determine if your partner’s personality matches well with yours.

You can see who is more emotional and who is more logical out of you both.

Or are you both very similar? Sometimes opposites attract, but sometimes people bond over their similarities. Use this question to analyze your potential future.

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

3) What is your best quality?

This is a question very similar to the first one, but here let them tell you what is their most defining positive quality out of all others. Nudge them to be honest while answering this!

Expert advice: A recent Harvard study showed that men and women who continue to share their aspirations in life (whether they are changing or staying the same), have a greater likelihood of long-lasting relationships. Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School (HMS) and a consultant to McLean and Massachusetts General (MGH) hospitals suggests that love does seem to have a strong impact on hormone and immune levels. All pointing at the significance of communication in relationships/couplehood.

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

4) What things do you feel the most comfortable talking about?

This is a fantastic conversation starter to make the other person feel at ease very quickly. Right now, he/she might not feel ready to talk about their past or future with you, and that’s okay. Let them know there’s no rush and that their comfort is important to you by asking this question. Steer the conversation based on their answer.

Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new

5) If you win a large amount of money through the lottery, how would you spend it?

On the surface, this is a very fun question. They can be imaginative while thinking about the answer. But their answer will reflect on their money-handling skills. 

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

6) If you have a bucket list, what is the one thing you must do before you die?

Through this casual question, you will learn whether they are an adventurous person or if they have a very serious outlook toward life. 

Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new

7) What is your kind of perfect day?

This is a very general question to help you know how you can turn a not-so-good day into a better one for them.

Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new

8) Mention a thing that you would like to change about yourself.

See how the person is aware of their shortcomings and if they own them.

21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

9) What was your favorite childhood game?

Everyone loves talking about those fond memories. Bond over them, and see if you loved or disliked the game.

Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new

10) What brings you happiness?

Again, this is a simple question, but one would need to think to answer. Use the answer to understand their concept of happiness and the things that make them happy.

11) What do you value the most in your life?

Hear their answer carefully, as you will be able to check if you share common values.

12) What do you do during your leisure time?

Get a sneak peek into their hobbies and interests and what you might be doing on some days when you both are free.

13) Is there any adventurous activity that you want to do soon?

Are they adventurous? Do you like the same kind of activities? Then you can go on an adventure together.

14) How important is friendship or friends in your life?

This is a non-serious but important question. Ideally, everyone should value friendships highly. It is also mostly the first step in relationships.

15) Have you ever wanted to become famous?

Find out about this hidden dream that many have nurtured since childhood.

16) Which famous person would you like to have dinner with?

This will let you know about the people they admire or things they are into.

17) Can you forget and forgive easily?

It would be a boon to know beforehand if the other person holds grudges. While it is difficult to forgive easily for big mistakes or hurtful things, you should not end up begging for forgiveness for little things.

18) How do you like to style yourself?

Understand what style is according to them or what is their sense of style. Talking about clothing styles, accessories, etc., will help you know about their taste.

19) Is there anything happening in your life right now that you are excited about?

This is another of those questions which help people open up about themselves. The answer may not be interesting for you, but it will get them talking.

20) Do you have a self-care routine?

People should prioritize taking care of themselves. Well-being is important for being able to handle relationships deftly. So what do they do when they are stressed?

21) What are your religious beliefs?

Perhaps one of the most serious questions on the list. If you are a staunch believer in one particular religion or God, but he/she is an atheist, it’s better to know now.

This is our first set of 21 questions. We have explained why we have suggested each question. Now that you have hopefully got a hang of it, let’s dive in quickly to more interesting sets of 21 questions for a new relationship.

Deep 21 questions for a new relationship

These are some deep questions for a new relationship covering the topics that a new couple must discuss. The questions will strengthen the bond between you two. After the first couple of dates, you must think about asking some deep questions to know your partner at a deeper level.

The following questions are clever and will initiate deep conversations and a lot of reflection:

  1. If you want to have to spend a day enjoying quality time with me, what would you want to do?
  2. What do you enjoy the most about your career?
  3. Is there a childhood memory you want to forget?
  4. What is your life’s biggest achievement?
  5. What is a bad thing that your ex can say about you?
  6. Which quality do you want to inculcate in yourself?
  7. What is the biggest deal-breaker for you in a relationship?
  8. Does everything happen for a reason?
  9. What gifts do you prefer – practical or sentimental?
  10. Mention a gift that you think I would like and say why.
  11. Would you share passwords with me in the future?
  12. What have you learned from your past relationships?
  13. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  14. Do you believe in soulmates?
  15. How is your relationship with your mother?
  16. What is a non-living thing you would save if your house catches fire and why?
  17. Mention the first thing that you noticed in me.
  18. What is a regret that you have?
  19. Are you a believer in astrology? Why or why not?
  20. Would you give me a second chance if you find out I have been cheating on you?
  21. What is one behavior that you would hate to see in me ever?

Fun 21 questions for a new relationship

Getting to know your partner requires hard work and patience. But that does not mean you only should ask dead serious questions.

By asking these 21 questions for a new relationship, unravel interesting information about your partner through light and enjoyable conversations:

  1. Do you like cats more or dogs?
  2. Which do you like better, staying in or going out?
  3. If you were to form a football team, who would you pick as the players?
  4. Do you carry your mobile to your bathroom? If yes, why?
  5. What is your guilty pleasure?
  6. How are we going to celebrate special occasions?
  7. Do you like being around kids?
  8. Have you ever gone abroad?
  9. What is a perfect weekend for you?
  10. What was your last weird dream?
  11. Which season do you enjoy the most?
  12. Tell me about your first crush.
  13. When you were a kid, what did you want to become after growing up?
  14. Do you go to bed early or are you a night owl?
  15. What is a childhood memory that you love remembering?
  16. Who are the top 2 most admirable people for you?
  17. With which fictional character do you relate the most?
  18. How do you spend your birthdays?
  19. Do you think you are an old soul?
  20. What kind of high school student were you?
  21. What is one fashion trend you followed but are embarrassed about it now?
  22. How would you spend your days after you retire?

Spiritual 21 questions for a new relationship

When you ask your partner 21 questions for a new relationship that is spiritual, you dig deep into their soul. Love is holy and by asking discussing spirituality or religion, your sacred bond strengthens too.

The following set of questions will help you assess your partner’s character and beliefs:

  1. Can the concept of being in love frighten someone?
  2. Do you believe in destiny?
  3. What is your opinion on Karma?
  4. What is your biggest fear?
  5. If you want God to fulfill your three wishes now, what would those be?
  6. Can a relationship affect one’s spirituality?
  7. Have you ever experienced pure joy?
  8. Do you feel that you are at one with me? Have we attained that oneness?
  9. What do you think is your life’s purpose?
  10. Do you pray regularly?
  11. Are you ready to make sacrifices for the sake of love?
  12. What do you think of our compatibility regarding our faith?
  13. Has meeting me brought any changes in the person you were?
  14. What are the most valuable components of a relationship?
  15. Are you hard on yourself?
  16. Do you have any phobias?
  17. How would you describe your relationship with God?
  18. Which is your favorite religious book?
  19. If you knew that you are going to die the day after tomorrow, how would you spend your last hours?
  20. What do you think of marriage as an institution?
  21. How is your parents’ relationship with spirituality?

Food 21 questions for a new relationship

Sometimes you should indulge in small talk to know your partner better. Asking only about serious topics can make the time tiresome. Food questions are fun and yet tell a lot about a person.

Try to know about your partner through these unique 21 questions for a new relationship revolving around food:

  1. Do you follow a healthy diet?
  2. What is your favorite food?
  3. What foods do you strongly dislike?
  4. Do you like to eat out?
  5. Is there any food that you hated as a child but like eating now?
  6. How well do you know how to cook?
  7. Do you enjoy eating fast food?
  8. Which is your favorite junk food and why?
  9. Which is your favorite meat?
  10. Do you like eating seafood?
  11. Which is your favorite cuisine?
  12. Does food preference matter in a relationship?
  13. What do you like drinking more, wine or beer?
  14. Is there any unusual food combination that you like?
  15. How is your spice tolerance?
  16. What foods did you grow up eating?
  17. Which dish reminds you of your grandmother?
  18. What do you like more, bread or rice?
  19. Describe the best meal you have ever had.
  20. Which is your favorite ice cream flavor?
  21. Do you binge-eat, and when do you mostly do it?

Music 21 questions for a new relationship

Shakespeare wrote, ‘If music is the food of love, play on.’ And we humans are well-versed in the importance of music in our lives. You would probably spend a lot of time listening to music with your partner in the future. So wouldn’t you like to know about their taste in music?

Find out about their musical preferences through these 21 questions for a new relationship:

  1. What music would pair well with a song about you?
  2. What is your favorite song?
  3. Do you listen to music a lot?
  4. Which song would you like to dedicate to me?
  5. Is there any song that reminds you of me?
  6. Which song takes you back to your childhood?
  7. Do you know how to play any musical instrument?
  8. Should the lyrics of a song be controversial?
  9. Who is your favorite singer?
  10. Do you enjoy singing?
  11. Which song describes this moment perfectly?
  12. What is your favorite genre of music?
  13. Which apps do you use for listening to music?
  14. Have you been to any music concerts?
  15. Who would you want to watch live in performance?
  16. What do you want to be played at your funeral?
  17. Can you remember a song that describes a new relationship?
  18. Which song describes our relationship?
  19. Do you enjoy listening to classics?
  20. Which is your favorite music video and why?
  21. Do you listen to sad songs when you are feeling low or peppy feel-good music?

Interests 21 questions for a new relationship

Having a new love interest is sweet and fun, but then there are going to be doubts in your mind too. Will this new relationship work? One way you can gauge this is by asking the correct questions.

A person’s interests speak volumes about them and the term ‘interests’ covers a lot of things and not only hobbies. Interests are everything that one is enthusiastic or passionate about. ‘What are your interests?’ is a popular question.

Here are more just like it:

  1. What hobbies do you have?
  2. If money and time were not an issue, where do you want to travel to and why?
  3. What is your dream job?
  4. Name a chore you hate doing.
  5. What superpower do you wish to have?
  6. Do you have pets now, or would you adopt one later?
  7. What are your political views?
  8. Do you like sports? 
  9. What are your dreams?
  10. Is there anything that you want to learn?
  11. Do you want to be a parent in the future?
  12. Romantic dinner or romantic movie – what is your ideal date night choice?
  13. Do you have any hidden talent?
  14. What defines ‘cheating’ for you?
  15. What adventures are there on your bucket list?
  16. How important is it to maintain 100% honesty in a relationship?
  17. What is your favorite thing in the world?
  18. Do you enjoy spending time alone or with family/friends?
  19. What inspires you daily?
  20. What do you like to do on weekends?
  21. Do you practice any family traditions?

Juicy 21 questions for a new relationship

It is important to be a little flirtatious and keep the dates fun in a relationship. And you can add a lot of excitement by asking juicy and spicy questions to your partner. But since we are talking about your new relationship, perhaps you can skip ‘A – rated’ questions for now:

  1. How long do you take to become fully comfortable with someone?
  2. What turns you off?
  3. Do you have a crush on any celebrity?
  4. What do you think people find the most attractive in you?
  5. What attracted you to me?
  6. What makes you swipe left on dating apps?
  7. What did you believe was necessary for a relationship earlier but don’t now?
  8. How do you define romance?
  9. How would you want your wedding ceremony to be?
  10. What do you look for in a partner?
  11. What is your opinion on long-distance relationships?
  12. Are you envious of anyone’s body?
  13. What things do you look forward to at the beginning of the day?
  14. What made you consider me your potential partner?
  15. What do you fantasize about?
  16. Is there any question that you are inhibited to ask me?
  17. What is your love language?
  18. When we are with family or friends, how will you show that I am still your priority?
  19. Are you in love right now? If yes, how much?
  20. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
  21. Do you miss seeing me when we are apart?
  22. When was your last serious relationship/committed relationship?
  23. What are your spiritual beliefs?
  24. If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it?
  25. What are good signs of a healthy relationship?
  26. How do you understand your partner’s perspective on life?
  27. How do you handle situations where your partner believes something different than you?
  28. How do you value a new partner in your life (aside from new relationship energy)?
  29. How do you ensure that you and your partner are on the same page?

21 questions for a new relationship (images to share)

Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
Fun things to ask when the relationship is brand new
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship
21 questions for a new relationship

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Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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