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Alpha Male vs. Beta Male

I got asked, “Hey Ryan, what’s the alpha male vs beta male difference? And which one is better and why?” 

Well, that’s a great question! If we know what the alpha and the beta do in their daily lives, then we can burb our behaviors, right? The reality is that the alpha is better than the beta.

Before we begin, my experience on this…

You should read the comprehensive guide on being a beta male I wrote. It will give you all the information that you nee about the common beta male behaviors and how to curb them. 

Research studies have shown there are typically three types of males: alpha, beta, and gamma males. More recent studies have also shown that there’s a “rise” of the beta male.

You’re probably here because you want to know how to NOT BE a beta male…

Key differences between the beta male and alpha male

Here are the things that would make a beta (a beta) and an alpha (an alpha)…

1. Who is making decisions for you?

If you’re a beta, you’re making decisions by committee. 

The alpha does not. Alpha personalities make decisions based on what’s good for them or those around them. And they commit to those decisions. They bring educated and quantitative confidence to those decisions.

2. Are you letting in people who don’t deserve to be let in? A key alpha male vs beta male difference!

The beta personality will stick it out with people who don’t treat them well. Or serve them well.

Alpha personalities will cut ties with those people rather quickly. They will suggest, “Hey, you’re not serving me or the goodness around me—it’s time for you to go!”

3. Who is leading, and what style of leadership are they using?

A beta will try to lead through control. Or potentially not lead at all. They may stay so far “out of the way” that they become irrelevant.

It’s important to consider how to lead others. Typically, leadership comes in the form of influence, rather than exuding control or egotistical behavior. Learning how to lead properly is the one of the best ways to become more “alpha.”

And yes, leadership can be taught—it is not a behavior you are born with. This study suggests that nearly 86% of people part of the participating group felt they could teach others how to lead now that they know how to.

4. When are you revealing your emotional state of being? Protect your state of being! A good alpha male vs beta male key difference!

Beta men will open up about their feelings too soon. And show their vulnerabilities.

Alpha groups of men will typically have others EARN their trust. By waiting until the other person has earned their emotional vulnerability they can better set boundaries. These emotional boundaries are very important for creating healthy relationships.

5. The people you trust and why you trust them…

Men who would be classified as “beta males” often trust everyone. And they do it for the wrong reasons. For example, they would trust the people they had just met. Doesn’t that put you at a disposition to those people?

Alpha personality types will not only make others earn their trust but wait to trust the people around them, as well. This creates a mutually beneficial relationship between the two parties.

How to stop being a beta male and be an alpha male…

I’ve written about not being a beta before; you can get a complete guide here. In summary, you’ll need to do three key things:

  1. Recognize your habits: Know which habits fall into the “beta” group and start to recognize them when you’re doing them. This is simply a form of cognitive restructuring that you’ll need to do.
  2. Agree to a goal you’ve set for yourself: When a habit falls into a particular category or bucket, have an agreement that you’ve made with yourself about what you’re going to do about it. This is a form of goal setting or “action planning.”
  3. Make it part of who you are: It’s important to repeat these behaviors until they become second nature. And not stop. Those of us who decide to try it out “for a few months” are destined for failure. Make it a key part of who you are. Behavior change will change your personality. And it will change your hormones (literally).

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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