Jamie, my friend from school, asked me, “Ryan, what are signs of a cold personality in someone?” Well, I definitely know what Jamie was going through… She’s confused about why someone is treating her not so well. And she doesn’t know if it’s her or someone else.
The idea of personality is an ever-evolving thing. While you might engage with someone who has NPD, for example, you might not have NPD if you’re simply growing and changing and evolving as a human.
Different life experiences certainly do define us. They help us to see the world in a different way. And in ways that maybe others do not.
But if you’re looking for ways to tell if someone might be a cold person—try these!
30 Powerful Signs of a Cold Personality (ICY!)
—30 signs of a really cold personality!
1: They don’t care about anyone but themselves.
It’s like no one else on the planet even matters!
2: Empathy just doesn’t seem to be there.
Having empathy is a really strong sign of someone who is mature and capable of love.
3: They’re willing to hurt people.
Do they seem to be willing to hurt other people for their own personal gain? That’s not okay!
4: Everyone on earth is here for their gain.
Everyone seems to be here for what they give to them. Not the other way around. That’s not how you live life!
Expert tip: Watch out for disinhibition. Recent research from the department of psychology at the Université du Québec à Montréal shows that men have higher scores in disinhibition and self-related detachment parameters.
5: Vanity is really of high importance to them.
It’s like all they want to do is stare into the mirror or look at selfies!
6: Materialism is a high priority for them.
It’s all about who drives what car and why.
7: They can’t seem to put the phone down.
Are they always on their phone? Is it becoming a little bit suspect? This is them shying away from life!
8: Instagram pictures and likes are a big priority for them.
Who cares that much about what other people think? Only those who are kind of cold inside!
Expert tip: Dismissiveness is a sign of a cold personality trait! For instance, one research indicated that men in Argentina tend to show less dismissive traits towards romantic partners than those in Bangladesh. Yet, it’s a widely held notion that men, in general, are more dismissive than women.
9: They spend a lot of money on unimportant things.
Money isn’t here to save and be mature about. It’s here to spend and usually spend on themselves. This is a strong sign that they’re going to be cold with the way they behave elsewhere!
10: If you asked them for help, they’d never show up.
They just say no. Maybe other things are more important. Or maybe they’re just “busy.” Ouch! Cold!
See also: Negative personality traits
11: They generally aren’t very loving.
Do you just not feel very loved by this person? Does it seem impossible to connect with them?
12: No trust is getting built in the people they care about.
Building trust with people is a great way to extend relationships and build a better life.
13: They stare at pictures of themselves a lot.
How many selfies do they take? Are they obsessed with themselves? This means the person is truly going to be a cold-hearted person!
14: When you share emotions, they don’t share back.
I’m feeling this way… How are you feeling? It’s important that in life, we reciprocate.
If they aren’t—that’s a really strong sign that they don’t really care about you!
15: If something bad happens to you, they don’t really care.
Are you saying something to them that’s crucial in life? For example, did someone pass away? Are you struggling in a certain area in life?
If you’re sharing those things and they don’t really care—that’s an issue!
16: Remorse really isn’t a thing they understand.
Remorse is a really strong character trait to have of those who are mentally sane! No joke!
If you do something wrong—and have no remorse—where do you think you go? Usually, you go to jail!
17: One day they’re nice, the next they aren’t. (A subtle strong sign of a cold person!)
Does it seem like their personality is constantly changing? That’s not a very good thing!
Related: Worst personality traits
18: They’re very judgmental of new people they meet. (A subtle strong sign of a cold person!)
Everyone out there in the world is just here for them to judge! That’s not a sincere person!
19: They seem passively withdrawn from the world. (Very hard to tell but they are a cold person with this!)
Everything that’s going on isn’t really important. World events? Don’t care…
20: The way they act is very insulated from the world. (A very strong sign of a cold personality!)
They’re very willing to bury themselves in their home or hobbies and never leave. This is somewhat naive and not realistic!
21: They stay very “straight-faced” often. (A subtle strong sign of a cold person!)
When you talk to them, what kind of facial expressions do they share? It’s important that you see a smile or that you see their eyebrows raise!
22: Generally seems kind of affection-less.
Can they be affectionate? Do they know how to treat people, children, families, and lots of other people with compassion? If not—that’s a cold person, right here!
23: They’re uninvested in the people/things around them. (Strong sign of a cold personality!)
Everything around them doesn’t really deserve their attention. Or at least, that’s how it sounds.
It seems like everything is about them wanting to focus right back onto themselves!
24: They’re not very responsible to messages or care.
Are they not responding to you? If you are sharing a text message, one that’s considerate, for example, do they respond to you?
If so, what type of response do they give you?
See also: Bubbly personality traits
25: Distance seems very comfortable to them. (Very hard to tell but they are a cold person with this!)
They seem to be a little too comfortable with putting distance between people and things. That’s not a very good character trait!
26: They’re top priority is themselves.
Setting a priority in life is really important. What do you care about? Who do you care about? Do you “show up” for them when they need you?
If they only care about themselves, that’s a pretty cold way to live life!
27: Generally, they behave in a way that questions if they’re selfish.
Everything is about what they need. If the conversation isn’t about them—do they disengage?
Little signs will tell you that they aren’t really that interested in what’s happening in your life.
28: They don’t have good microexpressions. (A subtle strong sign of a cold personality!)
Do they smile? Do their eyebrows raise? Are they looking at you? Do they look at your mouth when you speak? Microexpressions help us to show engagement in a conversation.
Related: Signs of a dry personality
29: They rarely apologize to you. (A subtle strong sign of a cold personality!)
Do they know how to apologize? Like, truly apologize. Do they express how they made you feel and what they are going to do about it so you don’t feel that way again?
30: Everything is about them being self-reliant.
They just seem a little TOO independent. That can be a problem!
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Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.
