Dirty Pickup Lines

I’ve used dirty pickup lines in my day…

In fact, I’ve used a dirty pickup line or two. But not how you might think! And that’s the first best piece of advice to cover. Using a dirty pickup line is better for someone that you know…

So you’re immediately going to ask me, well doesn’t that defeat the purpose entirely? I want to potentially pick someone up. Maybe it’s a guy or a girl who caught my interest. And I want to open the floodgates with something really strong…

Let’s get this clear…

My experience with dirty pickup lines…

I’ve tried it out on random people that I’ve met out in public. And then I’ve tried them out on a girl that I had. And let me tell you, it’s better to use it on a girlfriend…

A quick story: We were dating for a while. And well… when you do that, typically, things go a little stale. Ask anyone in a relationship. The magic kind of dies out a little bit. And as a gentleman, I wanted to do my part to bring it back…

So what I did was use a pickup line on her randomly to make her feel special. Almost like I was pretending that the relationship was starting all over again. It works great!

Her reaction? Very strong! A laugh, a smile, and hugged me.

Do with that experience what you will!

20 best funny dirty pickup lines to try out

—Dirty pickup lines to try out! Mostly to use on girls. Sexy, nasty, dirty ones!

Here are my favorite pickup lines. A few of these I have made up myself over the years. That’s right; you’ll never read these lines anywhere else (that’s a good thing!). I hope they help you get the reaction you’re looking for:

1. I really love those legs… do you know what time they open?
2. I wonder if my ceiling has scuff mark protection on it… should we figure it out?
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being hot and 10 being super hot—where do I fall?
4. [Hugging her] Ouch, ouch, ouch! [She asks what!?] Damn, you’re so hot! (Not all pickup lines need to be words–they can be small jokes)
5. What kind of music do they play there? [Where she asks?] In Heaven?
6. Do you think that I would make a good husband? Wait, don’t answer that question, I already know the answer.
7. [Touching her clothing] Weird, I think this might be made out of wife material. (Works in reverse and use “husband material.”)
8. [Looking at her dead in the eyes] I feel like my little guy down there has radar for hot chicks, and let me tell you, he’s showing me the way right now…
9. I call my d*ck the compass because he’s always telling me which direction to go. And baby, you’re it.
10. Do you happen to like testing out beds for comfort? If so, I have one that I’d like to get tested.
11. Have you ever done CrossFit? There’s a new kind that happens in my bedroom…
12. You look like you’re going to be trouble for me and my bed sheets…
13. If I were a middle school kid, I would need to put a school book in front of my pants whenever I saw you…
14. Do you have your dad’s phone number? I want to give him a call and thank him for his service.
15. I have a feeling that your mom invented morning wood…
16. You’re going to be trouble for me, aren’t you? [Looking at her with a grin—this one requires a facial expression to be hot]
17. Do you think people would be jealous? [She asks, jealous of what?] Our OF account…
18. If I were to think of us as math, I would be trying to put the 6 and 9 together…
19. Can I get a look at the top of your head? I just want to get an idea of what I’ll be looking at in the future.
20. What’s it like to get free things all the time for being that pretty?

Expert advice: The “sexual strategies theory,” which arose in the 1990s suggests that laughter can be a strong signal to the opposite sex that you’re a worthy partner. What’s more interesting is that if you’re a man being funny to a woman, it’s really important that they show you that you’re funny, too. It’s this two way laughter that creates the connection. What does this mean for you? Use funny sentences, jokes, and other pickup lines.

Dirty lines to use on him

—Dirty pickup lines to use on a guy

Guys aren’t the only ones who can benefit from a pickup line or two. Girls can make their men feel awfully loved or even adored using a pickup line. Remember, men DO want to feel adored. And if you’re feeling in the mood, sometimes a cheesy and funny dirty pickup line will work pretty well on him. Try these out:

1. Can I inspect your bed for bugs? The way I do it is to bend over the side and then look very closely at the bed sheets… What do you think?
2. After seeing you I just came up with a new invention… Waterproof underwear for women.
3. [Looking at him intently] If I were to sit down right now, I’m pretty sure I would slide right off of whatever I’m sitting on.
4. Can I call your mom? Yeah, I just want to thank her for her service, I mean damn!
5. [Staring off into nothing] Oh jeez, sorry, I was just daydreaming about what I want you to do to me…
6. If I were to come up with a nickname for you, I think I would want to call you Dr. Thumper, what do you think about that?
7. My palms are sweaty just seeing you right now… I think I need to fill my hands with something, do you have any ideas?
8. I really hope that tomorrow morning I get to call you a new nickname… I’m thinking it will be rooster, what do you think?
9. If I were a trampoline, would you bounce on me for hours or what?
10. If I buy the dinner tonight, will you bet the dessert or what?

Expert advice: According to researchers at the University of Kansas, facial expressions are a significant part of successful flirtation. What does this mean for you? If you’re using text messaging, try an emoji! While it’s not as effective as your face, it can help.

See also: Pickup lines for guys

Tinder openers that are dirty

—Dirty pickup lines to use on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and more

If you’re in the online dating scene, sometimes a dirty pickup line can go a long way in introducing who you are and what your intentions are. Be careful; a very dirty pickup line could get you banned from the platform. And we don’t want that!

1. I put in my settings that I only wanted dime pieces… I didn’t realize that quarters existed on here.
2. You look like you’re feeling down. Do you mind if I feel you up?
3. I really like the picture of you in that dress… It would go well with my carpet color. Should we try that out?
4. I must be turning into a beaver becasue I can’t stop thinking about putting your wood in my mouth.
5. Well, I would call myself a bargain hunter, always looking for you to take 50% off.
6. I usually prefer sunrises over sunsets. Although… I would gladly watch you go down.
7. Call me a hunter because I can see myself mounting you in every room of the house.
8. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
9. My little soldier is really standing at full salute after seeing you…
10. I have a vitamin V deficiency. And the only fix is when someone else has a Vitamin D deficiency… Do you think that we can fix this?
11. I just had to see if Spotify was down… You’re not listed as the hottest single of the week.
12. You’ll be making my eggs in the morning; I can just tell… I like my eggs fertilized.
13. You must be a farmer because you know exactly how to raise my c*ck.
14. Do you want to sign for my package or should I just slip it in your box?
15. You better get a hold of PETA because I’m about to eat that p*ssy alive!

See also: Cute pickup lines