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Top Female Narcissist Traits (KNOW THESE!)

I got an email from a reader concerned for himself the other day. He asked me, “Ryan, what are female narcissist traits that I should be looking for?” Well, narcissism sure is growing in the United States. A study by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology discussed what creating “good relationships” looks like. And you would be surprised to see that this doesn’t fit the bill for most of what’s going on in America.

Narcissism is a trait among people who like to be the center of attention in every situation. Those people derive pleasure from getting validation from others. Being a narcissist is toxic, and females are no exception to this personality disorder.

Females show specific signs of narcissism, which an untrained mind will often overlook. Females’ narcissistic behaviors might stem from growing up in households where they were treated like princesses. Aggression, manipulation, blackmail, gossiping, etc., are some traits that female narcissists exhibit.

Female Narcissist Traits to Look Out For

This article will give you a detailed explanation of females’ narcissistic traits and how you can deal with such people.

Conscious of Her Looks

—Female narcissist traits: Vanity

A female narcissist puts a lot of focus on her looks because that is how she manipulates people. She uses her physical appearance to gain people’s attention and use them to her advantage. It is not a secret to say that good looks attract people.

Knowing this fact, the female narcissist will try to assert dominance by using her sexuality. She focuses a lot of her time trying to look the best, and compliments from other people will make her feel like she is more attractive than she is.

Her status among her peers is vital, and she will do everything possible to gain the crowd’s favor. This obsession will make her preoccupied with how she looks, what she is wearing, the cost of her clothes, etc.

She will even go to the extent of making fun of other females who are not as pretty or materialistic as her. A female narcissist will show off her outward beauty and try to get validation from people about her looks. She enjoys being the center of attention and can go crazy if her peers do not acknowledge her physical attributes.

Expert advice: According to a study by Nicholas J.S. Day, Michelle L. Townsend, and Brin F. S. Grenyer—screened participants described those with narcissistic personalities as having “grandiosity.” Or “having a requirement for admiration, showing arrogance, entitlement, envy, exploitativeness, grandiose fantasy, a lack of empathy, and self-importance.”

Will Not Let Others Shine

—Female narcissist traits: Selfish

A female narcissist can suck the joy out of your life if she feels you are overshadowing her popularity. She dislikes being second to anyone and will do anything to make you feel miserable.

You can notice this behavior in young school or college girls who want to be popular among their peers. They go out of their way to become popular in school, and if they see someone outshining them, they will feel threatened. Your success is the worst thing that can happen to female narcissists.

However, if a person is loyal to the female narcissist, she will not be ostracized or shamed in front of others. A female narcissist loves to be surrounded by people who praise her, not step over the line.

Those people are obedient and aspire to be like the female narcissist. They require validation from popular narcissists to stay relevant in their schools and colleges. The narcissist will cut all ties with them if she knows they are a threat or useless to her.

For the female narcissist, her success and popularity are the most important. She only needs people around her to make her feel special.

Expert advice: Being in a narcissistic relationship can be very damaging. You may start to lose respect for others. Or certain behaviors of others that the narcissistic personality doesn’t value. Typically, the narcissistic personality will only appreciate those who serve them, not a mutually beneficial relationship.

Cannot Develop Healthy Relationships

—Female narcissist traits: A series of similar behaviors

Female narcissists do not have the emotional ability to develop genuine relationships with their peers. She does not look at others as her equals and will only use them for her benefit.

When a female narcissist needs to befriend another woman, she will approach that woman with the best intentions. She only does this because she knows the other woman has something that will make her shine. Once she gets what she wants, she will stop talking to the other woman without any warnings.

That is the level to which a female narcissist can stoop. The victims are usually young girls who feel the need to be validated by someone popular. She uses their naivety to her naivety and exploits them.

She is incapable of building emotional connections with anyone. This can stem from not having close relationships with family members as a child. The female narcissist finds it easy to manipulate relationships and uses them to build her status in school or college.

You should not expect someone who is a narcissist to be good to you or understand your emotional needs. They only need you for their growth and dump you whenever you are no longer helpful to them.

Personality trait tree of someone who is typically exuding some type of narcissistic behavior (or BPD—borderline personality disorder)
Personality trait tree of someone who is typically exuding some type of narcissistic behavior (or BPD—borderline personality disorder)

Materialistic

—Female narcissist traits: Only cares about herself

Materialism is one standout trait you will notice in a female narcissist. No matter where you go, this is a typical pattern among all women narcissists. Their love for materialistic things knows no bounds.

They love spending money on clothes, technology, jewelry, etc. because it makes them feel superior. The money they spend may not necessarily come from their partners or families. Some female narcissists earn a lot of money, but they intend to prove their superiority through their wealth.

They will buy all the latest-fashion clothes, luxury items, cars, accessories, etc., to gain people’s attention. She thrives in all that attention, making her feel much better than everyone else. When she spends all that money, it is like trying to show other people that she is wealthier than them.

She will also look for a wealthy partner so that she can satisfy her materialistic needs. You will mostly find female narcissists spending money their lovers have earned. She might not love her partner, but her decision to be with him is to maintain a good social status.

See also: What is the “friendzone?”

Constantly Posting On Social Media

—Female narcissist traits: Seeking the validation of others

There is nothing that screams narcissism more than social media these days. Everyone is so eager to prove themselves their worthiness that they are on social media platforms, posting pictures and videos all the time.

Many female narcissists post aesthetic pictures and videos from high-end getaways, showing off their clothes, phones, and lifestyles. They have found the perfect platform to gain attention from millions of people worldwide.

Female narcissists will always be on their phones checking to see how many people have liked their pictures or commented on them. Their main target is to gather more followers. They will block any user who comments something against their content.

They do not want honest people to bring up issues related to their content. Female narcissists are so addicted to social media that they first go online for hours at a stretch when they wake up. They are stuck in their fake online world and cannot pull themselves out of that idea.

See also: Relationship red flags

Narcissist personalities are often very vain. Focused on their self-image a little too much.
Narcissist personalities are often very vain. Focused on their self-image a little too much.

Will Not Apologize

—Female narcissist traits: Doesn’t know how to respect others

Another major red flag that comes with female narcissists is they will never admit they are in the wrong. They will never own up to their mistakes and, instead, try to put the blame on something or somebody else.

This huge sense of entitlement makes them think they cannot make mistakes. A female narcissist will cook up different excuses to avoid the brunt of being the wrongdoer. They do not understand that apologizing can nullify the situation and bring things to normalcy.

A female narcissist will hurt your feelings and make you feel like you are the one at fault. She will tell you all the ways in which you were responsible for your misery. Shifting the blame on someone else is one of their most common traits.

The worst part of not apologizing for their mistakes is they believe they are incapable of doing anything wrong. This is the reason they shift the blame to somebody else.

See also: The alpha female and their traits

Entitlement

—Female narcissist traits: A feeling of superiority over others

A self-obsessed female will expect people to treat her better than how others are treated. It doesn’t matter whether it’s school, college, workplace, or home. They believe they are entitled to certain benefits, like favorable treatment.

If she finds something she doesn’t like, she feels other people should not like it too. The idea of other people complying with her beliefs goes to show the world she is living in. She is the queen in her world, and everyone else is worshipping her.

Female narcissists think they deserve all the attention and fame in this world and will do anything to feel special. They do not care if they are hurting others through their actions. All they want to do is feel superior and exceptional.

They will be dissatisfied if you do not meet their expectations. If you are a part of her circle, you should be ready to please her always. A female narcissist will feel like you have cheated her if she does not get what she expects.

Female narcissist traits can be more challenging to identify in today's modern world. Why? Because we are overly accepting of these behaviors in our society. And less appreciative of the behaviors that are more traditional.
Female narcissist traits can be more challenging to identify in today’s modern world. Why? Because we are overly accepting of these behaviors in our society. And less appreciative of the behaviors that are more traditional.

Suffocates Her Partner

—Female narcissist traits: You aren’t really that important to her

A man will never be happy in a relationship with a female narcissist. She will keep insisting that she is the reason the relationship is working. There is no 50/50 in a relationship with a female narcissist.

When the going is good, she will take all the credits. As soon as something rocks the boat, it is all the man’s fault. She is excellent at making her partner feel guilty about everything.

If she is unhappy with her man, she will tell him how many other men are waiting in line to be with her. Sometimes, she entertains those men and makes her partner notice it to get him riled up.

There is no telling how many guys she will keep in touch with to make her partner jealous. This will lead to an altercation between the men, and she will believe that they are fighting for her. She does all these things because she loves the attention of men and thinks she can land anyone she wants.

And she doesn’t care about the rules you set in your relationship. She will find ways to break them and blame you for letting it happen. The female narcissist will never respect your feelings, and you will end up living a miserable life till you are with her.

Related: Signs you’re a submissive woman

Drama Guaranteed

—Female narcissist traits: Everything is always in chaos

Drama will always follow a female narcissist. There are no two ways to this phenomenon. She likes to create drama, as it brings all the attention to her.

If she faces any minor inconvenience, she will make a big deal out of it.

Take going to a restaurant for a date as an example. If the restaurant doesn’t have something she likes on the menu, she will start a tantrum and attract everyone’s attention there.

Once she has the attention, she will act like a victim of some heinous crime. At this moment, you are already embarrassed and will apologize to her, saying it’s your fault. By doing this, she gets what she wants, and you end up being the donkey.

Stirring the pot is her favorite pastime when she doesn’t get the attention she thinks she deserves. She will create a situation out of nothing just so that people will come to her help. This feeds her toxic pride, and she will continue doing that to everyone, even in the future.

Dating a narcissist can create real emotional and physical issues for you. They can be very long-lasting and difficult to heal from. Choose your partner wisely.
Dating a narcissist can create real emotional and physical issues for you. They can be very long-lasting and difficult to heal from. Choose your partner wisely.

Exhausting

—Female narcissist traits: You’ll always feel like everything is “life ending”

The word ‘exhausting’ is an understatement when you are in a relationship with a female narcissist. You will never get to experience what true love is with such people.

Whatever you do will never be enough for her. The relationship starts without problems, but the toxic signs will show up slowly. She will begin to drain your energy so much that you will feel suicidal sometimes.

Her demands will keep increasing as the months pass by. Initially, you might be unaware of it, but her sarcasm and mild jabs will get to your head in the long run.

You will be trying to keep her happy throughout the relationship with nothing in return from her. She will put no effort into trying to bring a smile to your face.

Her only intention is to dominate you and make you feel like you don’t deserve her. You will feel like you are walking on thin ice as you try your best not to get on her wrong side. Trying to please a female narcissist will eventually take a toll on your mental and emotional health.

If you happen to end the relationship, it will take you a long time to trust women just because of how the female narcissist treated you. Being in a relationship with a female narcissist is challenging and mentally exhausting. So, you must identify red flags in a woman before committing to a relationship.

One the easiest female narcissist traits to identify is the "selfie" woman. Why is she seeking so much attention and validation from others? This is a strong red flag!
One the easiest female narcissist traits to identify is the “selfie” woman. Why is she seeking so much attention and validation from others? This is a strong red flag!

My Experience with Narcissist Females…

I have single-hand experience with narcissistic personality disorder. And have seen how it can have a negative impact on families, relationships, and friendships.

Male narcissists are just as bad as a narcissistic female. Although, keep in mine that female narcissists tend to cut a little bit deeper. Why? Because we tend to want women to be compassionate ones within family units and relationships.

Narcissistic women can have hurtful impacts without the intention of doing so. Like cheating on you or telling lies to keep their illusions real. These are all based on their sense of self-importance that is greater than their love for you. This is a real mental health problem… The lack of empathy.

If you feel like you’re in a relationship with narcissistic abuse in it—get help, immediately!

References

Strachey J. On Narcissism: An Introduction. In: Freud S, Strachey J, Freud, A, et al. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume XIV (1914-1916): On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement, Papers on Metapsychology and Other Works. London, UK: The Hogarth Press; 1957:67-102.

6 Signs That You Might Be a Vulnerable Narcissist | Psychology TodayPsychologyToday. Accessed 26 Jan. 2023.

APA PsycNetPsycnet.org. Accessed 26 Jan. 2023.

Campbell, Lorne, and Sarah Ce Stanton. “Adult Attachment and Trust in Romantic Relationships.” Current Opinion in Psychology, vol. 25, Feb. 2019, pp. 148–51. PubMedDOI.org.

Day, Nicholas J. S., et al. “Living with Pathological Narcissism: A Qualitative Study.” Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, vol. 7, no. 1, Aug. 2020, p. 19. BioMed CentralDOI.org.

Di Pierro, Rossella, et al. “Narcissistic Traits and Explicit Self-Esteem: The Moderating Role of Implicit Self-View.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 7, 2016. FrontiersFrontiersin.org.

Grapsas, Stathis, et al. “The ‘Why’ and ‘How’ of Narcissism: A Process Model of Narcissistic Status Pursuit.” Perspectives on Psychological Science, vol. 15, no. 1, Jan. 2020, pp. 150–72. DOI.org (Crossref)DOI.org.

Leaders, Emerging, and Phil Sennett. “15 Qualities That Make a Great Leader | Emerging Leaders | University of Rochester.” Emerging Leaders, 15 Mar. 2021, Rechester.edu.

“The Science Behind Behavior Change.” Columbia University Irving Medical Center, 20 Feb. 2018, Columbia.edu.

Wilkins, Consuelo H. “Effective Engagement Requires Trust and Being Trustworthy.” Medical Care, vol. 56, no. 10 Suppl 1, Oct. 2018, pp. S6–8. PubMed CentralDOI.org.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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