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Funny Responses to How Are You? Try These Out!

I’m always shocked at how many people text, still. I mean, I get it… It’s a really easy form of communication. But I’m shocked that people haven’t just decided to call each other more. So much miscommunication occurs in text form. When James, my friend, asked me, “Ryan, what are funny responses to how are you?” I said, that’s a good question—let me think on that!

When someone asks, “How are you?” It’s usually a prompt opportunity to tell them what’s going on in your world!

You can either answer them directly, like, “I’m really well, how are you!?” Or you can come up with a witty and sarcastic response that might delight them!

If that’s what you’re looking for—to be funny—then give a couple of these text replies a try!

70 Funny Responses to “How Are You?”

—Funny responses to ‘How are you?’

Generally good responses back

  1. What?
  2. Huh?
  3. No thanks, I’m good.
  4. I’m how, you are?
  5. You good, I’m how!
  6. On a scale of 1 to 10 I’m a 0.
  7. Oh wow, I didn’t know we knew each other anymore.
  8. Well, would you look at that, my friend who I once had!
  9. You are good, how am I?
  10. I’m hanging to the left!

Expert advice: It’s really no secret—texting leads to miscommunication. A lot of people are going to agree: texting is the worst form of communication that you could pick. And I tend to agree. Studies have shown that texting really is ruining personal relationships.

guy winking face - funny responses to how are you

Funny responses to… How are you doing.

  1. I’m doing, but hope to be doing you later.
  2. Like a cactus 🌵, dry and ready for the some sun ☀️
  3. Today is a day. That’s all I can say. Oh, but hey!
  4. No, no, no… How are YOUUUUU doing?
  5. Life is like a box of chocolates, what can I say?
  6. Oh wait, you’re actually interested in hearing about me?
  7. Didn’t realize you had the capacity to think about anyone other than yourself… Wowza!
  8. Well, since you been goneeee, thanks to you, now I get what I want…. (in Kelly Clarkson voice).
  9. [Reply Back With This GIF]
  10. On a scale of 👍 or 👎 I would say that I’m more of a 👎. What about you?
dog with really meme

How are you feeling? FUNNY RESPONSES!

  1. Do you know that feeling when you are about to puke? Yeah, like that.
  2. You know when you wake up from a really bad hangover and you want to just like… never wake up—I’d say I’m somewhere in there!
  3. You know how dog barf looks? It’s like green and mushy? I’m feeling kind of like that…
  4. There’s usually a controller that gets lost in the crack of the couch, yeah that’s me today.
  5. I feel like a garbage can, just ready to get taken out!
  6. If I were to describe how I actually feel, all it would be was swear words put together.
  7. There needs to be a new emotion for the way I’m really feeling today.. BLESS!
  8. My life is just… Yeahhhhhhh.
  9. You know Steve Harvey’s face when he’s not impressed? It’s something like that.
  10. Feels like if you were to can a fart, store it for 10 years, then open that fart can… Yeah that’s me.
steve harvey meme

Expert advice: Ph.d., and Psychologist Maggie Mulqueen says, “As a psychotherapist, I see this phenomenon almost daily, along with the unintended consequences it causes. Patients often read me text messages during therapy sessions in hopes that I can decipher them, since without facial cues and tone of voice, it can be challenging to understand the intention of the message.”

Classic dad-joke style ways of saying “good”

  1. Just fine and dandy!
  2. Another day, another dollar!
  3. I’m good enough!
  4. If I felt any better, it would be illegal.
  5. Can’t complain, can’t complain.
  6. I don’t know, tell me, how am I?
  7. Nothing much, you?
  8. Overworked and underpaid.
  9. Just another day where I’m the best looking guy/girl in the world. It’s a tough life!
  10. Better now that you’re here 😉
katy perry firework gif and meme - funny gif responses to how are you

Responses to a guy

  1. Just on a date right now—what are you up to? (Ohhh, burn!)
  2. Hold on one sec, I have a guy here asking for my number…
  3. Weird, could you please hold? I’ll text you back in 48-hours, like you do for me…
  4. Cool, that’s an original question…
  5. I’m doing so so so so so so fine, how are you?
  6. This is the face I feel right now: 😇
  7. Just reply back with: 💀 — and then don’t say anything at all.
  8. Ohhh, well hello Mr. Dreamboat—how are you??? 😍😍😍😍
  9. I’m doing really good…. Oh wait, that’s probably just the meds talking!
  10. Some days are better than others, what can I say. Heh, heh, heh! 😉😉😉😉
michael scott the office meme

Responses to a girl

  1. Oh wow, I didn’t realize girls your age knew how to think about anyone other than themselves, hello!
  2. Just another day looking the best I can.
  3. Busy over here looking at myself in the mirror. What about you?
  4. Looking good, like I should… (Send this YouTube song)
  5. Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag? Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? (Katy Perry song joke!)
  6. I guess my life just got better now that you texted me.
  7. I don’t know, if I say something, will it take you 48 more hours to respond to me?
  8. I’m sitting here, thinking of you! (Flirty and funny response)
  9. Sorry, who is this?
  10. I don’t have this number stored in my phone anymore—who is this again?
stanley from the office meme not impressed face - funny responses to how are you

Funny ones for your parents, siblings, or family

  1. Weird, I thought I had parents but usually parents care about their kids…
  2. If today was a fart, it would be on that gets dropped in the grocery store.
  3. Today is like when you drop the watermelon and you have to return it.
  4. I’m doing like… when you get home after getting a coffee, drop it, and have to immediately go back and get another one.
  5. My day is like April 15th, the worst day in America for everyone.
  6. I’m just over here, dancing to the rhythm of the life…
  7. Oh odd, I didn’t know I had a brother/sister anymore!! Thanks for letting me know…
  8. Oh hey, next question please…
  9. I’m just incredibly good looking over here… hanging, hanging.
  10. I’m still alive and that’s just a good thing!
not impressed big sean gif

My Experience With the “How Are You?” Text!

The reality is that these text messages are not really great conversation starters. They are openers are often used to extend an olive branch. Usually, it’s someone that haven’t heard from in a little while!

You may want to respond in a funny way simply because of this… Usually, that’s the case. It’s like saying, “Oh gosh, thanks so much for finally thinking about me!” And, in most cases—you have every right to respond in that way.

As for myself—I try to always be the best version I can be. That sometimes means letting other people “go through” their own issues. For example, if a friend hasn’t reached out to me for a while, and there’s some distance between us, I’m going to try and rekindle that.

The best thing you can do whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, friend, or family member that isn’t giving you the attention or time that you deserve is to draw a healthy boundary for yourself. And decide what that looks like!

From there, you can use it as a guide to determine how and what you’re going to respond with. For me, I’m very willing to give people another ‘shot’ in life right now. It seems like people are generally going through a lot of crap in their lives!

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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