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How to Flirt Over Text

Are you wondering how to flirt over text? Flirting has evolved over the years. You no longer have to go up to the guy or girl of your dreams and use a pickup line. Flirting can be just as effective over text!

In fact, if you were born in the 2000s or after, you may actually be more comfortable flirting over text. Flirting can be a lot of fun, but it can feel daunting for people who are self-conscious or just uncomfortable with the entire idea of flirting.

For example, if you have trouble detecting flirting? When someone flirts with you over text, can you immediately tell that they’re flirting with you? This can be one problem.

Or maybe if you’re having trouble with flirting, it could be that you’re too subtle. Or that you’re not saying the right things. There’s a good chance that with some minor changes, you could see significant results from your romantic interests.

Related: Flirty questions to ask a guy

How to flirt over texting

My own experience with flirting…

When I was younger, I thought of myself as quite the “ladies man.” Or at least I thought so! The reality is that I was kind of full of myself… I was most likely deterring people that I wanted to be in a relationship with because of it.

Learning some basic tips really helped me quite a bit. Some of those included:

  • Being myself – I know this sounds silly… But being myself was the key. If I thought something was funny, then the other person did, too.
  • Knowing who I am – Advice that we hear all the time. But it’s true! Once I had a better understanding of who I was, I started to connect with others better.

What is flirting in general? And how do I flirt over text?

Flirting is the art of generating romantic curiosity within another person. Think of flirting as gently connecting with the person you’re interested in and sparking curiosity and intrigue. Flirting is a natural part of life and has been a part of the human courting process for centuries.

From in-person to texting

Flirting has evolved! Yes, it has! These days, it’s common for people to flirt through text. You can slide into the DM’s of the person you’re interested in and talk to them. Yes, this still works!

This allows you to reach a wider pool of potential romantic interests. If you’re introverted, you may find it easier to flirt through texting. If you’re wondering how to flirt, then this guide will help.

Related: Flirty texts for her

A lot of potential for miscommunication

Flirting through text is one of the most popular ways people flirt these days. 

Sure, it can happen at a bar or somewhere else. Although, when was the last time that you heard that happening? In fact, the person you’re interested in may already have other people flirting with them. How do you catch their attention and win over their heart?

This is where getting great at flirting comes in. Yes, it is a skill. A talent. Although with some basic tips, you can get great at it in a shorter amount of time.

Related: Flirty questions to ask a girl

How to flirt over texting

General Rules For Flirting Over Text

—How to flirt over text

When flirting over text, you should follow some general rules and guidelines. These rules set the tone for your conversation and ensure you don’t bore or go over the line with the person you’re talking with.

You’re trying to get another person romantically interested in you through flirting. But how can you do this in a way that works for you and them?

Here are three rules that you should follow:

1. Keeping It Short

Don’t start your conversation with huge blocks of text. You don’t want to overwhelm the person you’re talking to or make them think you’re weird. Even when you have a lot to say, don’t leave more than two to three sentences at once.

Think of something unique and short

This doesn’t mean you drop a simple ‘hey’ and be done with it. You’re more likely to get a standard, friendly response to your ‘hey’ if you get any response. It’s also seen as lazy when you don’t try to start a conversation.

How to flirt over texting

When you initiate the conversation, you’ll need to do it in a way where you intrigue the other person and inspire them to talk to you. To do this, send the person one or two sentences. An example would be, ‘Hey there, I’m interested in you and was hoping I could talk to you. Would you mind having a conversation with me?’

Think of something funny to start with

This is short, succinct, and to the point. You can also start the conversation with a good joke or talk to the person about their pictures or social media posts. Remember, what you’re trying to do is get them to reply back to you. Don’t be offensive, and definitely don’t be vulgar, or you’ll likely turn them off.

2. Talk To Them About Their Interests

Ideally, you should know who you’re talking to and their interests. In this guide to flirting, we’ll help you learn how to best flirt with the person you’re interested in. However, it may not always be possible to tell the interests of the person you’re flirting with.

Interests and online dating

Say you want to know how to flirt with your newest Tinder match. Your match won’t always leave behind information on their interests in their Bio section. Even if this is the case, you should be able to gauge what their interests are through their pictures. Do they have a picture of a pet? Are they doing any activity in their pictures? Talking to them about things they might be interested in can help you initiate a conversation.

How to flirt over texting

Dating apps like Bumble make it easier for you to tell what the interests of the person you’re flirting with are. Look through their Bumble profile to see what they like doing. If they like cooking, initiate your conversation using that topic. You can say something like, ‘Hey, I love cooking too. I was hoping we could make a meal together sometime.’

Use the A.C.T method for starting a conversation

Harvard researchers suggest asking basic questions like, “How are you?” Or, “What do you like to do?” won’t be sufficient in creating strong, long-lasting relationships. Instead, try the A.C.T method—which stands for authenticity, connection, topic/taste. Find mutual ground between the two of you and move past surface-level questions.

Knowing the interests of the person, you’re talking to becomes even easier if you know them through social media. People share many of their interests through platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. So if your crush is on Facebook, the first investigation through their profile is to understand better what they are interested in.

Maybe they like romantic movies, reading, and spending time with their pets. When you know this, you already have three topics you can talk to them about that they’re likely to be interested in. By talking to your crush about what interests them, you’re more likely to have an engaging conversation with them.

3. Be Creative And Playful

It’s also important that you stay playful through your texts. You don’t want to come off as too strong or too demanding. Rather, you want your conversation to be one that’s memorable to the person you’re talking to.

One way to achieve this is by being creative in your texts. Don’t just copy the text you’ve read online or use any standard guide to flirt. Instead, try to be creative in your approach. Instead of using a pickup line, consider texting them in a playful way that makes them laugh. Let them know you’re interested in them. But to make them interested in you, you’ll also need to be charming and funny.

Expert advice: Clinical psychologists frequently refer to this study. It shows that laughter truly is a “medicine.” When meeting new people, getting a laugh from them won’t simply make them appreciate you. It may improve their health, too.

How to flirt over texting

How To Flirt With A Girlfriend Over Text

—How to flirt over text with a girlfriend

People have conducted studies on flirting that gave yielded information on how to flirt successfully with others. When you have a girlfriend already, you may feel like you don’t want to flirt with them anymore. However, this can be a bad idea.

Even when you’re in a relationship, continuing to flirt is essential to keeping the relationship alive. But how exactly do you flirt with your girlfriend over text? Here are three ways that you can do that.

1. Think of a Great Opener

The opening you use when flirting with your girlfriend doesn’t have to be super creative. But it does have to be better than a standard ‘hey’ or ‘how are you doing?’ With the way you open the conversation, you’ll be able to set the mood going forward.

Maintaining the air of romance in your relationship is crucial to keeping the relationship alive. Send a message that will not just make your girlfriend happy. But one will also make them look forward to talking to you.

2. Aim To Make Them Feel Good

If you want your girlfriend to be happy with you, then shower them with praise when you can. Don’t be fake, but genuinely tell them what you like about them. If you like their hair, tell them. If you like how they make you feel, tell them. If you want to go on a special date with them, tell them that too.

Through your texts, aim to develop your relationship further so that both you and your partner can feel closer to each other. Maybe you can start a daily ritual where you text your girlfriend each night before going to bed. Texting your girlfriend regularly will make her feel wanted, and she’s also more likely to like you more as a result.

How to flirt over texting

3. Get To Know Her

Through your texts, also try to learn more about who she is, what she likes to do, what her dreams for the future are, and more. Ask her genuine questions about herself. Ask your girlfriend about her day, her posts on social media, or even her life plans. This way, you can tell her that you’re genuinely interested and invested in her.

Texting your girlfriend shouldn’t involve the same old ‘Hey, how was your day?’ Every single day. Flirting with your girlfriend is important if you want your relationship to grow and develop into something more substantial.

Sample Flirty Texts That You Can Use On Your Girlfriend

  • I was looking at the Moon and got reminded of you. You’re both so beautiful.
  • Want to watch a movie at my place together? I want to cook you dinner.
  • Let’s be muffins together next time. I want to learn from you and spend time with you.
  • Want to watch your favorite TV show at my place? I have popcorn in your favorite flavor.
  • So, our movie date is tomorrow. What do you want to do after the date? Want to go to your place or mine?

How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text

—How to flirt over text with a guy

There’s far more information out there on how to flirt with girls compared to how to flirt with guys. But the truth is, it isn’t that hard to flirt with a guy. When you take the initiative to flirt with the guy you’re interested in, you’re already doing what it takes to capture their interest.

Since fewer girls pluck the courage to flirt with the guy they like first, you’re already receiving brownie points for your effort. But how exactly do you flirt with the guy of your dreams? When it comes to research done on flirting, the results are pretty conclusive. Flirting with someone is an excellent way to show them that you want to be with them.

Guys, particularly, love it when girls flirt with them through text. So how exactly do you go about it? Here are some tips:

1. Choose A Great Opening Line

It isn’t just girls that enjoy good opening lines, and guys love them too. Think about what kind of an opening line you would like to hear from your crush. You don’t always have to say something sexual. Something funny, or something related to the interests of the guy you like, is just fine.

Try not to talk about things you’re not interested in yourself. Take, for example, football. Maybe the guy you like loves football, but you don’t. If this is the case, don’t start your conversation about football. Choose something that you’re both more likely to have in common. Perhaps both of you like the same kind of movies. Or you could even talk to them about something you found in their social media profile. Tell them it interested you and you were hoping to talk to them about it.

2. Let Them Know You’re Interested

Maybe you thought that being subtle was the way to go about texting a guy. Unfortunately, when it comes to flirting, not everyone can always tell that they’re being flirted with. This is why you’ll need to let the guy know you’re interested in them actively.

Don’t come off too strong, or the guy might get the wrong idea. If you want to date the guy, don’t wait for them to ask you. If you know that they like horror movies, why not ask them to watch the latest horror movie in theaters with you? It’s okay to take the first leap.

3. Plan Fun Activities Together

By texting the guy you like online, you can tell them that you’re interested in them. The next step is to meet them in person. Through your texts, why not plan a fun outing that you can both enjoy?

You can ask your crush if they would like to visit you at your home, where you can cook for them. If you want the first date to be more impersonal, you can plan to meet at a coffee shop. You could also do a fun activity together, like playing paintball or going to the amusement park. Doing something fun that will leave you both behind with positive memories of each other is a great way to build a budding romance.

Sample Flirty Texts To Use On The Guy You Like

  • I saw in your profile that you loved cakes. I love baking myself. Would you like to come over to sample some of my cookies?
  • There’s a great movie playing in town, and I was wondering if you’d like to go watch it with me?
  • I really enjoy talking to you over text. Would you like to meet over coffee sometime?
  • You’ve got beautiful eyes. I could stare into them all day.
  • You make me laugh so much, and I love talking to you.

How To Flirt With A Girl Over Text

—How to flirt over text with a girl

Flirting with a girl over text can be a lot of fun. The link between science and flirting shows that when you flirt, you’re building potential bonds with the person you’re talking to. Girls love it when someone flirts with them, but that’s only when you approach them the right way.

You don’t want to come off too strong, or you might lose their interest. You also don’t want a girl to think you’re pestering them. You want them to think that you’re an interesting person, and you want them to develop feelings for you. So how do you go about doing this?

1. Be Open In How You Communicate

While you shouldn’t start the conversation with how much you like them, you should let them know that you’re interested in them. When you start texting a girl, don’t assume they’ll be interested in you the way you are in them. Instead, start a conversation by letting them know you’re interested and want to continue talking to them.

You can call them ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ and try to gauge how they respond to those statements. If they seem to withdraw, then be more friendly in your approach. But if they show interest in you, you can ask them out on a date.

2. Get To Know Them

Texting a girl is a great way to learn more about them. Ask them about what they like. They could like reading, doing makeup, cooking, a certain kind of movie, and more. People generally love to talk about the things that interest them. Asking your crush about what they’re interested in, and talking to them about those interests, will get them to like you more.

Ask your crush what their favorite movie is. If you haven’t seen it, give it a watch, and let your crush know that you’ve seen it. This can make your crush like you even more. Texting is a great way to get to know her without worrying about what you will say next. You can take your time to craft the perfect reply and can slowly build a relationship with the girl you like.

3. Don’t Leave Her On ‘Read’ (iMessage)

Where you can help it, try to keep the conversation flowing as much as possible. If you’re too busy, let her know that you have work and will get back to them as soon as possible.

Text her regularly so that she knows that you genuinely like her. Since most instant messengers these days let the other person know whether their texts have been read, don’t open your DMs unless you’re sure you can reply.

Remember not to leave her waiting too long between messages, either. If you’re busy, you don’t have to reply when she texts you. But do try to text her within the next few hours.

Sample Flirty Texts You Can Use On The Girl You Like

  • You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I would love to spend more time with you.
  • Do you want to watch your favorite movie with me? I haven’t seen it yet and thought seeing it with you might make me love it even more.
  • I’m making spaghetti bolognese this weekend – do you want to come over for lunch and a movie?
  • I love reading your texts – you make me so happy.

How To Flirt Without Being Too Subtle

—How to flirt over text without it being too sublte

According to flirting research, when you’re top subtle in how you approach flirting, the other person might not understand that you’re interested in them. But what does it mean to flirt without being too subtle? Should you express your romantic feelings on the spot? Of course, this wouldn’t work unless you knew the person well. So what should you do?

1. Show Them That You’re Interested

You’ll first need to show the other person that you’re interested in them. Talk to them about themselves, what they like, and what they dislike. Make it a point to remember what they tell you. By flirting with them, you’re trying to show them that you genuinely are interested in them.

2. Compliment Their Appearance

When you compliment someone’s appearance, you immediately tell them that you’re interested in them. To not be too subtle, or make them think that you want to be friends with them, let them know that you find them attractive. You can say things like ‘I love your eyes’ or ‘I wish I could watch you smiling for me.’

If they know that you’re attracted to them, they’ll also be able to tell that you’re flirting with them.

3. Make Plans To Meet Them

Texting someone is the first step to landing the date that you want. Ask them directly if they would like to meet you. Let them know that you don’t want the conversation to be limited to just texting but that you also want to meet them in real life. Set up a date that you know your crush might like. If you don’t know their interests yet, get to know them better before asking them out on a date.

Sample Flirty Texts That Aren’t Too Subtle

  • You’re so beautiful when you smile in your pictures. I can’t wait to see your smile in real life.
  • I wish I could talk to you in person, perhaps over coffee. Want to do that?
  • Do you want to go watch a movie with me, and then maybe go out for dinner?
  • I really like talking to you and was hoping we could spend some quality time together.

How To Flirt Without Coming On Too Strong

—How to flirt over text without it being too strong

At the same time, you also don’t want to come on too strong when you’re flirting with someone. When it comes to effective flirting strategies, balance is key.

1. Knowing What Could Happen If You Come On Too Strong

If you come off too strong, you may get rejected by the person you’re trying to flirt with. They might think that you’re a creep or that you want a sexual relationship with them. So how do you flirt without coming on too strong?

Related: Good morning texts for her

2. Be Respectful When You Talk To Them

Don’t use vulgar language when talking to the person you like. Don’t shower them with praise, either. Instead, try to get to know who they are as a person. Ask them about their interests, and ensure they feel comfortable with you before you ask them out on a date.

Expert advice: According to this study, younger men (college-age) are more likely to have sexual intentions on the first and second dates than women. If you’re a young woman, understand that this could be a goal of your dating partner. Have a plan ahead of time to protect yourself.

3. Text Less, Learn More

When you text someone regularly, you let them know that you want them to be a part of your life. Text your crush daily, but don’t overwhelm them. Don’t send hundreds of messages. Instead, sending just a few over the course of the day is sufficient.

Related: Good questions to ask

4. Show Them That You Care

You can also talk to them about what’s bothering them, about what stresses them out, and try to help them feel better. When you show them that you genuinely care about them, they are more likely to like you more. They probably also won’t think you’re a creep, instead seeing you as someone they would like to have in their life.

Sample Flirty Texts Where You Don’t Come Off Too Strong

  • How was your day? I was thinking about you today and wanted to drop you a text.
  • I really like your company and was wondering if we could meet sometime soon.
  • You can talk to me about anything, including what’s bothering you. I would love to listen to you.
  • Do you want to meet up for some coffee? I feel like talking face-to-face can help us get to know each other a bit more.


The art of flirting, when done right, can help you get the person you’re flirting with to develop a romantic interest in you. When flirting with someone, be respectful toward their feelings and emotional intent. 

And show them that you’re genuinely interested in them through honest conversation and banter. Remember, your aim is to learn who someone is. This is for your own benefit, too.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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