Home / Relationships /

Messages to a Cheating Boyfriend

My favorite “unhappy” reader chimed in the other day, asking me a great one! It said, “Hey Ryan, what are some messages to a cheating boyfriend that are really going to make him regret his decision?” First off, I’m sorry this is happening to you. Secondly, here’s what to do…

Nothing hurts more than finding the love of your life cheating on you with someone he barely knows or understands. All the promises, years of happy and sad memories, and vivid dreams of the future with him that lingered about all shattered in the blink of an eye.

Even the thought of him being unfaithful was heart-wrenching, but merely seconds ago, your worst nightmares came to life, and now you’re sitting there, lifeless and clueless on how to approach this situation with courage.

Dealing with a cheating partner will never be easy on someone who truly loves their partner with all their heart. You’ve accepted all his flaws and everything in between just to be left with an enormous hole in your heart.

The experience is terrifying, and no one should ever go through it. But in the midst of it all, understanding that it isn’t the end of the world may help you find some solace.

If your boyfriend has recently cheated on you and you’re broken to the point where you can’t think clearly about how to deal with this situation, we can give you all the help you need!

This article will take you through all the necessary approaches to this situation and help you express your emotion by helping you write the right messages to your cheating boyfriend!

Expert advice: A study performed by Ami Rokach and Sybil H. Chan documented that cheating in relationships may actually be environmental and biological more than anything else. For example, if the person grew up around this type of behavior and found it normal.

Messages to a cheating boyfriend: You are worth more than you know!
Messages to a cheating boyfriend: You are worth more than you know!

How To Confront My Cheating Boyfriend

If you’ve been cheated on by someone you’ve really loved, other than balling your eyes out, you might not know how to confront your cheating boyfriend. 

Either you’re in denial and don’t want to accept reality, hoping someone would just take this miserable affair away from you because it hurts too much, or just can’t come to terms with what to do next.

Regardless, even though you’re hurting, the first step to healing is acceptance, and then move forward in confronting him about it and make the right choices that align with your best interests.

See also: How dating a narcissist changes you

The Confrontation—Messages to a Cheating Boyfriend (Confronting Them About Their Decision and Mistake)

Here are some steps you can take to confront him the right way:

Proof To Back Your Claims

Did you see something on his phone? Was it some women’s clothing inside the car or his room that gave it away? Did you get the information from a trusted source? 

Or was it the text messages he’s been sending back and forth with the women in question?

No cheater will blatantly admit that they have, in fact, cheated on you, so before you confront your boyfriend about it, make sure you have the right information and proof.

Otherwise, it’s just your word against his, and you both would be unable to trust each other afterward. In the worst-case scenario, he would make you feel guilty for even questioning his loyalty!

Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

You’ve calmed down, and now you’re in the right space of mind or maybe just rational enough to think about how you want this to end. 

Do you want to end it right then and there? Or forgive and give him a chance because you think he will change and be faithful to you?

Since you want to be clear on what you decide, practicing the words you would want to use with some of your closest friends or a mirror would help you get your point across more clearly.

Decide what outcome you really want for your relationship, and then proceed to the next step.

Expert advice: A recent study by HHS Public Access (Kayla KnoppShelby ScottLane RitchieGalena K. RhoadesHoward J. Markman, and Scott M. Stanley) identified that “once a cheater, always a cheater” is actually more science than it is tall-tale! Try to avoid cheaters at all costs.

The Talk

After you’ve gathered enough proof to make sure he won’t be able to deny his actions anymore, the right way would be to call him out to a safe location. Public locations like a cafe where there are many people or it could be your favorite restaurant.

The deal is, even if you know your boyfriend well, and you’re certain that he isn’t in the slightest bit aggressive, you’re accusing him of cheating, so for your own safety, going out in public are is the safest and the best approach.

But if you trust him enough, you can stick to your favorite couple’s space where it is quiet and work it out with him. Have the talk, and get whatever kind of information you want to hear from him on why he did what he did.

Either you forgive him but move on, forgive him, stay, and work it out, or just say your piece, and remove him from the depths of your memory.

Can He Speak His Truth?

This option is not in the scenario if you’re 100% sure he slept with someone other than you. Normally, each story has two truths, but you might already know what he will try to do if this is the case.

He’d either blame it on you or try to twist the story around, avoiding accountability. Gaslighting is a technique among most cheaters, and it’s better to avoid speaking to him if he tries it on you.

This can also make you feel like you’re the one who pushed him to the point where he had to cheat, making it difficult for you to move on. 

However, if you do not have concrete proof of him cheating or are rather skeptical about the source you heard it from, hearing his side of the story will help you make your decision better and may save your relationship.

See also: How to set healthy boundaries

Messages to a cheating boyfriend: No matter what, you don't deserve getting cheated on!
Messages to a cheating boyfriend: No matter what, you don’t deserve getting cheated on!

Sending Messages To A Cheating Boyfriend

Quite a large percentage of people look forward to a face-to-face confrontation with cheaters, looking deep into their souls and wondering if the person they fell in love with honors them by giving them the truth.

This also usually hurts more since you’ve been with this person for years, and for him to betray you without any second thought seems extremely punishing. 

However, this approach usually helps you move on better since you’ve confronted misery and excruciating pain face forward. Now all you have to worry about is working on yourself and finding that one person that was put on this earth for you. 

That said, many people also do not like to see the person that betrayed their trust in the first place. Dealing with the cheater will most certainly mess with their heads, and they want to end it as quickly as possible. 

If you belong to the latter category, we’ll give you some ideas on sending the right messages to your cheating boyfriends. 

See also: Qualities of a good man

Examples of messages to send to a cheating boyfriend

You don’t want to sound too forgiving or hateful when you send it, so without further ado, here are some of the message ideas you can use if you’ve unfortunately been cheated on recently.

“I’m sorry if you felt like I was the only one you cheated on; you’ve clearly cheated on us and our promising future. Congratulations!”

You’re not really apologizing for what he had done to you, but you’re sorry that he was selfish. Selfish enough not to see that you had something really promising going on together, and he’ll never be able to find something like he once had with you.

Related: Qualities of a good man

Make him feel guilty, but not enough to drag you down to his level!

“Ironic how you turned out to be exactly like the man you said you were way ahead of. I hope you don’t beat yourself down by being any more of a disappointment.”

At some point in your relationship, he must’ve told you he wouldn’t cheat on you, or he’s not like the other guys cheating on their women. 

Sounding hopeful for him yet making it sound like he’ll always be the same is a brilliant payback.

Make him realize that he’s just the same as everyone else who cheats, an embarrassment and a disappointment. Nothing special, but make it classy so you stay up, and he stays down.

“I have finally reached the point where I don’t have the energy to speak, fight or cry! I’m done with betrayal, and you are officially dead to me.”

Maybe go for the direct approach and mercilessly tell him you won’t be playing any more of his games. Assert dominance and let him know you’ll be perfectly fine without him.

Messages to a cheating boyfriend: Speak your mind. Don't hold back!
Messages to a cheating boyfriend: Speak your mind. Don’t hold back!

Don’t stick around for any replies, and be done with it. Cheating is never an option for anyone and especially not your boyfriend.

“You wouldn’t have cheated on me if you truly loved me. If you really had plans of us growing old together, building that future we’ve always talked about; you would have stopped yourself from carrying out the act. Thank you for helping me realize this sooner than later!”

Appreciate him for letting you know at your earliest convenience that he was not the right one. Being grateful will instead make him regret his actions. You were perfect for each other, and he knows it. Not giving him the power to make you feel unworthy is a powerful move, all the while sounding like a true Queen.

“I blame myself for knowing but still letting a clown get too close to my heart so he can rip it out. I was foolish, but now I’m wise. Lesson learned, and never again.”

We all make mistakes, and letting him get too close to you was yours. Acknowledging that you were too blindly in love to see what he truly is, a cheater will push some necessary buttons. 

Related: Good qualities in a person

We’re sure that he won’t disturb you any time soon, and he’ll live the rest of his life not knowing what to say to you if he ever sees you again. But you’ll be there, happy with someone who truly loves you.

“We’re all aware that real men don’t cheat. They have enough self-respect, loyalty, and integrity to put them above cowards like you. You’re not worthy of being loved by me or anyone else. Have fun being miserable.”

Nothing quite like a direct hit at their masculinity. While this approach may sound very harsh, it is satisfying. Remember that he broke your trust and betrayed your love. The future you planned out for yourselves was destroyed in seconds.

Comparing the things he made you go through, the sleepless nights, all the tears you’ve shed for him, this is nothing. Speak your mind out but never be too low. Always be better than him in every way. 

“I find myself being one of the unluckiest people on this planet but today, mother earth has blessed me, and I’m truly the luckiest! Finding out that you were cheating on me before we took it a step further and had a family of our own has made me peaceful. I’m grateful to you for showing me your true skin before it was too late.”

Showing him that you’re not bothered by his betrayal but instead grateful for saving you years of therapy is quite the spicy approach. It doesn’t matter what he thinks; if you’re happy and content that you found out before it was too late, he’ll stink in shame.

We shouldn’t give any power to cheaters and give them no attention or their deeds. They are as good as dead and should be left as they are. 

“Cheating on me, a good woman who loved you for your flaws and everything you were ashamed of. You’re such a big guy, aren’t you? The thing is, you never really deserved me; you know it, and I know it. But despite everything, I fell for you, and quite hard at that. You don’t deserve to be with someone as faithful or loyal as me, and you’ll soon figure it out. Karma has its way of coming around to people, so keep cheating and disrespecting yourself. Good luck, you’ll need it.”

Understanding your worth and admitting that you’ve really loved the person right up to their betrayal is acceptance, and it makes you look strong. Don’t ever think that you are smaller than the person who made you feel that way in the first place.

Nevertheless, making him understand that he doesn’t deserve you or anyone else and will get what he deserves soon might be the strongest message to send to your cheating boyfriend. 

It has acceptance, karma, and self-worth all in one paragraph.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.