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12 Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man

Susan, one of the people that I work with, was talking a little bit about how many people are starting to date once they’re divorced. Divorce rates are certainly on the rise in the United States. She asked me, “Ryan, what are red flags when dating a divorced man?” Well, here’s what I think the major red flags are that you should be looking for!

The divorce rate has popped up lately, and chances of dating a divorced man are high on the cards, especially when you have passed 30+ years.

However, partnering with a divorced man can be challenging and may include complicated things like kids, financial hurdles, and issues with ex-spouses. And more so if you feel that your relationship is not working as anticipated.

Now considering these issues, you might want to identify the problem, and the best way to do that is to look for red flags in your relationship.

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12 Red Flags to Look For When Dating a Divorced Man

Although partnering with a divorced man is not a bad idea, one must understand that it may feature unique challenges. So, looking for red flags will undoubtedly help you determine the state of your relationship.

Here are 12 red flags that can pop up when dating a divorced man.

1. Preoccupied with the Past

Divorces often feature disputed dissolution, which means your new partner might have trouble forgetting his past. If your partner is still lost in his past, it would be best to think twice before taking your relationship to the next level.

On the other hand, if your love is genuine, let your new partner take his time and adjust to his new life before continuing with your relationship.

2. Talking Bad About His Ex

Divorces can have different reasons. However, a divorced man talking badly about his ex can impact others’ mentality, especially if he has kids. Since his kids have already suffered the trauma of their parent’s separation, rapid use of hurtful and abusive language can impact their mental stability and health.

Furthermore, studies indicate that children experiencing unhappy marriages can develop disruptive behaviors and depression, which can also enhance academic difficulties.

So, if your new man is constantly talking bad about his ex in front of his children, it shows his lack of thoughtfulness and comportment.

3. Too Much Too Soon

If your new partner wants too much too soon, it’s one of the best red flags to notice. This impatience might indicate that your divorced date is emotionally unstable and is trying to get away from his past ASAP.

4. Blame Game

Divorces often represent shortcomings, which can happen at both ends. So, if your new partner is playing the blame game and framing his ex for the divorce, it would be best to know the complete truth before moving on.

Besides, you might want to know the complete story before moving on with your relationship.

5. Ignores Divorce Talk

A relationship only strengthens if you have trust in each other. So, knowing about your new partner’s past would undoubtedly secure your future. However, if your divorced man ignores divorce talk or accuses you of interfering with his past life, it is undoubtedly a red flag.

In short, you’re partner can be hiding significant details about his divorce, or he may not be 100% ready for the relationship.

6. Treats You like His Ex—One of the Key Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man!

Divorces can leave scars, and your new partner might have some residue from his previous marriage. However, it does not mean that your new partner treats you like his ex and puts the blame on you.

So, if your divorced partner is hyper-paranoid and always looks for your demerit, it would be best to think twice before moving on.

7. Cover-up for Bad Behavior

If your partner is blaming his divorce for bad behaviors, you can assume that your divorced man can be selfish. Although divorced men may have obligations, blaming their divorce for bad behaviors is undoubtedly a cover-up and a genuine red flag.

8. S#x Addict

S#x is a crucial tool for any marriage as it can make or break a relationship. However, if your new partner is always after s#x, it indicates that your new love is after your physical body.

See also: Relationship red flags

9. Kids

Kids suffer the most during a divorce, and if your partner has children, it may hinder your relationship. For instance, if your divorced partner prioritizes his kids over you, you might find it difficult to adjust to their family circle.

So, if a divorced man introduces his kids after a few dates, you might have to reconsider your relationship.

10. He Makes You a Ghost—One of the Key Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man!

Although keeping your relationship secret (until things get serious) is not a bad idea, you may feel the heat if it’s way too deep. For instance, if your new partner hides you from his kids, co-workers, and friends for months, things might not end the way you wanted.

In short, you can consider this situation as a red flag until you figure out the reason behind it.

See also: How to make him regret ghosting you

11. Secretive Nature

Relationships need to have open pages, and if your divorced partner is being secretive, you can assume there is a red flag. Your partner may be hiding the true cause of his divorce or might have something even more serious.

This secretive nature is not healthy for your relationship, and it would be best to figure out ways of finding his inner secrets.

12. The Mom Role Too Soon—One of the Key Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man!

A divorced dad will have concerns for his kids, but if your new partner is scheduling your duties after a few dates, things might not be that straight. In fact, you might feel that you are auditioning for a mom’s job.

So what do you do? The best way to counter this situation is to make yourself clear and let your new partner know where you stand with this issue.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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