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10 Powerful Signs a Married Man is Using You

A friend asked me, “Ryan, what are signs a married man is using you?” I won’t reveal her name here, since, well—she’s in an affair! I really don’t condone that type of behavior, to be frank. But I did want to put out some things to look for you so you can protect yourself!

According to a new study, analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.

This is truly unfortunate, since most of the reasons for cheating can be reversed or prevented, entirely. Usually, through better communication or more commitment—a relationship might have a fighting chance (either in the marriage or as two adults).

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10 Powerful Signs a Married Man is Using You!

—Powerful signs a married man is using you!

1: You’re not a priority of his

Making someone a priority is a great way to show them that you care about them. What does making them a priority mean? It means that you’re putting them #1 in your life.

For example, if someone decides that they want to go the gym, rather than come to an important life event of yours—then doesn’t that mean you’re not #1 to them?

Yes, it does. And it’s very hurtful. And disrespectful. This shouldn’t be something that you tolerate.

See also: Messages to a cheating boyfriend!

2: There’s no intent behind the relationship

Intent behind a relationship is setting clear goals for it. What do you want to be doing with the relationship? And what do you want the other person to be doing?

By setting clear intention behind it—it means that the relationship is actively something that you think about. And try to build. If they don’t really care to build it, then they really don’t care about the relationship at all.

3: You’re feeling like he’s just in it for your body

One very strong sign is that he’s there for your body. Are you sending him gym pictures? Is he asking you to hang out only to get intimate? These are strong signs that he’s using you.

It’s not uncommon for affairs to solely focused on the lust portion of life and love. But this isn’t something that you should stand for. It’s not showing a good deal of self-respect.

Related: Q&A—What is considered cheating?

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4: The relationship seems like a “one way street”

Are you asking him to do things? Are you saying what you want out of the relationship? If you’re experiencing a lot of reluctancy, then that’s a strong sign that he really doesn’t care to progress.

If it feels like there are “walls up” all the time—then there probably is! These walls will probably not come down just for you. He will need to address those, himself.

5: You’re in an affair, naturally, he’s using you!

I hate to make this #5, but it’s the most clear—if he’s married, he’s not a good person! He doesn’t really understand what marriage means. And what commitment means. And that’s the strongest sign of all. It’s the most obvious, one, too.

People are not judged by what they say. They should be judged based on what they do.

6: He’s trying to use a victim card for his bad behaviors

Is he always saying things like, “Well, my marriage is bad and it’s not my fault!” Well, that’s not really taking much accountability for issues. And in fact, if the marriage was truly bad—he would handle that situation.

Don’t let people fall victim to their own behaviors. That’s not a good thing to be engaging with. Ultimately, he will always be a victim of something, then.

See also: Do affairs last?!

7: He can’t lift you up or build you up

Someone in a good relationship should be capable of making you feel “on top of the world.” It sounds a little clichè, although it’s somewhat easy to do. Making you feel on top of the world is simply a way of behaving. And it doesn’t take much effort from a man.

All he needs to do is show you that you’re important in moments when you’re least expecting it. If he can do that, you’re going to feel uplifted. If he’s not, he really doesn’t care much about you.

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8: There’s no time for what’s important to you

Are you saying what’s important to you? Do you profess the way you feel? Do you profess the desires that you have in life? If he’s not really listening to those—then that means he’s probably not very invested in what’s going on!

I wouldn’t say that someone who doesn’t make time for what’s important to you—loves you!

Related: Signs of cheating!

9: You’re feeling like you’re “fit into the schedule”

“Call me at 8pm, I’ll be free then!” This type of behavior might sound okay, but it’s not! Real relationships are those where two people can depend on each other. If you’re in an emergency and the other person wants you to wait until a later time to call—then that’s really dependable, is it?

You need to feel like you’re not just fitting into his life when there’s free time. If you do feel this way, it’s truly a strong sign that this married man is using you!

10: Love isn’t really getting exchanged (or trust)

Love includes lust, yes. But it also includes many other things. Making someone feel important. Being considerate of their life, time, and needs. Really being empathetic with their behaviors. And how they live their daily life.

If he’s not really trying to exchange love or trust with you—it means he’s superficial. And only in it for what benefits him. It’s time to part ways with this dysfunctional relationship. And call it quits!

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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