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SIGNS a woman has not been sexually active (UH OH!)

A very unique study performed by Barbara L. Andersen and Jill M. Cyranowski showed the level of activity in a woman based on their personality. In particular, they looked at the personality traits like introverts and extroverts. It showed something relatively interesting—that the level of activity didn’t change THAT MUCH. So there’s an interesting question out there—what are some signs that a woman has NOT been sexually active.

Well, there are definitely some signs to look at that can help you.

First, My Experience With This…

Before we jump into this—I want to say that it’s really important to know what to look for here, especially when you’re on the hunt for a serious relationship as a guy. If you’re anything like me—you actually might be looking for a woman who HAS NOT been very active.

I started to look for women who were a bit more closed off. And showing more self-respect for themselves. This is because the woman that was wearing the low-cut tops and posting pictures of themselves on Instagram in riskè clothing or material was beginning to be a turn off for me.

Queue me needing to look for the ‘self-respect’ woman

A woman that HAS NOT been very active is actually a good one to look at when you want a serious and long-term relationship. As a guy or partner—it’s actually a good thing when your partner hasn’t been very active, right?

So that means if you’re struggling with this as couple—it’s probably a good thing. And what I learned through my own experiences, is that it’s FAR better to be dealing with this problem than the other (for example, CHEATING!).

a woman with a flower in her hair - signs a woman has not been sexually active

Signs a Woman Has Not Been Sexually Active

So you want to know—well, here’s what to look for.

1: The VERY TOP sign—if you’re close to her—she’s jumping into bed too quickly

Here’s the top sign that she HAS been active. By knowing the sign that she has been active, you can simply reverse that order to figure out if she has not been.

The main problem with this sign is that you might need to be in a relationship with her already. Or at least be going on a few dates. If she wants to jump into bed with you after only two dates—that’s a sign that she HAS been sexually active relatively recently.

It’s a thing for women when they’ve been a little bit too active to try and downplay the idea of opening their legs up a little too soon.

I’d highly recommend to stay away from that, personally!

A woman on a bed - signs a woman has not been sexually active

2: She’s looking for validation on social media

Seeking validation on social media usually means posting pictures of herself on Instagram or other channels that show off her body.

For example, there’s a lot of photographs on there of her wearing a bikini. Or her trying to make faces that might turn men on. When you think about it—that’s kind of gross, right?

It’s a sign that she’s really seeking validation from other people.

Related: Signs a woman is jealous

3: She’s feeling insecure all the time

A woman that feels insecure all the time might be having a problem connecting with your own personal need to move things forward in an intimate way.

Let’s say that you get close to her, show her some eye contact, and then all of sudden—she gets kind of insecure. This might happen by her making awkward moves or not really advancing with you.

If that’s the case, that’s definitely her signs of feeling insecure in the moment.

A boyfriend and girlfriend that look like friends

4: There’s a lot of friend zone people around — One of the strongest signs that a woman has not been sexually active

One VERY strong sign that is there are a lot of men around that are in the friend zone. Here’s the thing—men and women CANNOT be JUST friends. This is one of the things that I often roll my eyes at when I hear it.

If a woman thinks that men want to just be her friend—this is usually a bad sign. The bad sign comes from the fact that she can’t read the body language or needs of the other guy. And so the guy just ends up becoming a good or “close” friend.

See also: What is the friendzone?

A woman on a bed

5: She can be hypersensitive to topics and things

Being super hypersensitive to certain topics—like ones that often lead to other discussions around the issues—can be a really strong sign.

Let’s say for example the two of you have been dating for a little bit of time. And you ask her, “When was the last time that you got intimate with someone?” If she takes a strong offense to that—well that would be a really strong sign that she’s trying to hide something from you.

6: She’s avoidant of losing you or the relationship

Someone who hasn’t been very active knows that they’re not able to fully satisfy you—especially as a guy. If you’re a guy that’s showing strong signs of wanting to move forward in the relationship… Well then she might not want to lose out on you.

In some cases, she might be fighting to keep you around while also not talking or dealing with the core issue at hand—intimacy issues.

A woman on a bed

7: She’s always kind of clingy

A woman who is really clingy is just kind of doing the insecure thing in another way. For example, if she feels like she just can’t let you out of her sight—then that’s a bad sign.

It would mean that she knows that she’s not offering you something that you’re looking for. And that you might start looking elsewhere for satisfying that certain itch.

As a result, she just doesn’t want to leave you alone. And that means that trust isn’t really getting created between the two of you.

8: There’s indifference about engaging in anything sensual

When it comes to just getting sensual—she actually might start avoiding that, as well. That’s because often, the idea of getting sensual or intimate can often lead to the very next step.

And well… she’s certainly trying to avoid getting to the next step, right? If you’re finding that she’s always putting up a wall whenever the situation is getting a little hot—then that could be a strong sign that she’s just not comfortable going forward with what comes next.

9: She’s really hard to make happy all the time

Sometimes, the sign isn’t really about something that she’s doing—the sign lives within a way that YOU are feeling. For example, let’s say that you’re starting to get frustrated—that’s a completely valid feeling, right?

Getting frustrated with a woman is not very uncommon. And it might not even just be from someone who isn’t sexually active—your frustration could be coming from someone who has NPD issues or something else that might be going on.

It’s a great practice to stop and take a look at how YOU feel. And ask yourself what’s best for you…

— Keep reading for more signs a woman has not been sexually active

a man and a woman kissing

10: She’s avoidant of discussing the topic

If you’re trying to resolve the conflict, sometimes just having a discussion about it can be the best thing. But maybe she’s avoidant of wanting to talk to you about the subject.

For example, maybe you’re sitting down and telling her that you want to talk about something serious. If you bring up the intimacy problem and she walks away—that would be a really strong sign that she’s very avoidant of the issue.

— Keep reading for more signs a woman has not been sexually active

11: There’s envy of other women

Envy of other women is a very strong sign that she has not been sexually active. That’s because she’s seeing a woman that is exuding some type of physical dominance either to other women or to the public. In many ways—this is a really unhealthy comparison…

That’s because men should not be LOOKING for the woman who is the most sexually active. And in a lot of cases, there are women who are showing off everything that they have to offer—TO EVERYONE!

Personally, I don’t find that to be very attractive. I’d like to leave something to the imagination…

An older couple kissing - signs a woman has not been sexually active

12: She might show a little PDA in public

At times, a woman who hasn’t been very active might be wanting to get active. And, that could mean that her radar for what is right and what is wrong—might go completely out the window.

For example, maybe you’re sitting at dinner. And the two of you are having a basic conversation. If she starts to feel your leg or wants to get into a conversation about the S-E-X topic, well, that’s a little weird, isn’t it?

13: She’s very focused on work all the time

Sometimes, women who aren’t following through on the things that they should be doing for themselves (yes, women have hormones and needs, too!), then they might try to distract themselves. About 57% of women are now in the workforce (as provided by the U.S. Department of Labor).

This means that women now have a wonderful opportunity to put all of their effort and focus into work. If they’re feeling like things aren’t going well in other aspects of their life—they might just focus PURELY on work!

14: She behaves like a nun or like a mom

Maybe she’s very closed off. Or cold. Or maybe she’s HOT AND COLD. You might be feeling something—but can’t exactly put your finger on it. You’ll know what it feels like when someone is kind of closed off..

It will just feel like whenever you try to engage with them, that there’s a strong feeling of getting rejected or shut down. If you still aren’t sure—just think about the feeling of being rejected… It’s someone saying NO. In many ways, this is like she’s behaving like a nun or a mom!

15: You just can’t seem to get happy

I want to end this by saying this is the final sign—you aren’t happy! Maybe you’re not frustrated. But maybe you’re just not happy. Let’s say the two of you have only been on two dates and you’re reading this—well, that’s definitely TOO EARLY to be thinking that you need to cut the cord.

But let’s say the two of you have been together for about 3 months or more. And there really hasn’t been any idea of intimacy (let’s not just say sexual activity). If that’s happening, there is no doubt that this will feel like a brick wall is standing between the two of you.

That feeling WILL make you feel unhappy, no matter what you do. If this is happening… And she won’t really talk to you about it—it might be time to leave the situation.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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