A friend of mine named Julie came to me the other night… She asked, “Hey Ryan, what are signs of cheating that I should be looking for? If I’m not feeling like things are going well, and I am getting this hunch that something might be going on… What do I look for?” Well, I told her I was sorry to hear she was going through that. And then told her what to look for…
When you commit to a person in a relationship, all trust is given to them. You commit to your partner, knowing you will share every intimate detail with them and vice versa.
To love and to be loved is the best feeling in the world. It gives you hope, and you plan your future with them when you have complete trust. However, it can only take one wrong step to break everything that you’ve worked together for.
One of the most significant and common reasons why relationships do not last long is because of cheating. Cheating on your partner is the worst thing you can do. If your partner has cheated on you, you know how distasteful it feels.
Your heart feels like it has been torn to pieces by a sharp object, and you become speechless. It is hard to believe everything at first, but you die inside when there is confirmation that you have been cheated on.
People usually show signs of cheating by their change in attitude, but you can’t be too sure. Sometimes it turns out to be just a change in how a person acts. However, this is true in most cases.
10 Signs of Cheating You Should Know (And Maybe Look For)
Before you accuse your partner of cheating, you must look for several signs they might be showcasing. This article will discuss some signs that show your partner is cheating.
Cheaters Will Keep Their Phones To Themselves
Social media is one of the most common platforms where people cheat on their partners. It is very easy to connect to anybody around the world these days with the click of a button.
If you have doubts that your partner is cheating, you should ask them to show you their social media accounts. That is where new people meet and start getting to know one another. If they do not hand over the phone to you, your instincts might be true.
Some people hide their phones from you, saying it is about having a private space, but that should not matter when two people are committed for life. There is no way two lovers should hide their phones from one another unless they are doing something awful over the phones.
If your partner spends too much time on their phones and ignores you, something is up. You should ask them for the phone if you are suspicious. If your partner does nothing wrong, they will hand the phone to you without hesitation.
Some people experience their partners disappearing for long periods and suddenly reappearing. If you have ever had such a partner, you know they are up to no good.
There is no reason for a partner to disappear now and then if you are in a committed relationship. If they are unreachable during their office hours, that is understandable. There is no need to be in touch with your partners 24/7.
Then, how can you tell if your partner is cheating on you? Let us say your partner gets off work at 6 PM. In earlier times, you were able to contact them after work.
However, you should be suspicious if your partner suddenly disappears during those periods for a long time. Going out for a drink with their friends or visiting a family does not matter sometimes, even if they are unreachable.
The problem arises when your partner consistently disappears during specific periods of the day, and you are unaware of their whereabouts. This is a big indicator that your partner might be cheating on you. All cheaters follow a common pattern, and this is one of them.
See also: Messages to a cheating boyfriend
Their Friends Will Act Awkwardly
People who cheat in relationships tend to keep everything in order to avoid suspicion from their partners. They will need someone to cover for them if their partners need any proof.
This is where a cheater’s friends will enter the scene. The cheater will always assign a couple of his friends to cover his back when things become a little suspicious. You must try to observe any change in behavior from his friends towards you.
His friends will not act the same way they used to because they know his partner is cheating on him. The guilt they feel inside will show on their faces, and their communication will change. Some of them might stutter when speaking, touch their hair, give fake smiles, etc., when conversing with them.
If you feel your partner’s friends are anxious and uncomfortable around you, you have every right to suspect them of withholding important information from you. This is true, especially when the person your partner is cheating with is present where you are.
Your partner’s friends might not have been the ones to suggest cheating on you, but knowing the truth itself will make them nervous. This is a strong sign that your partner is lying to you about something.
Reduction In Sexual Activity
One of the most common signs of a cheating person is the lack of sexual initiation in a relationship. You will instantly notice the difference in their attitude when the sex becomes lesser and lesser with each passing day.
When the relationship was strong, both partners were physically charged up almost every day. Some people say that sex reduces as we age, which might be true. However, it does not take a drastic change all of a sudden.
If you are in a relationship with a cheater, you will see a significant decline in love-making activities. A person who truly loves you will always have the urge for you no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship.
The cheater wants the other person’s body more than yours. This is when your partner will make excuses saying they are tired or taking some time off from sexual activities.
Another sign to look out for is the timing of the sexual activity. Maybe you were used to having sex at night, but your partner now makes it a habit to do it earlier. This is because he knows he will be away at night and wants to satisfy you so you will not have any suspicions.
Expert advice: “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is not just a saying. It is true. Research has shown the person who cheats will always do it. It might be time to part ways and start fresh.
Cheaters Care About Their Appearances
It is common to see people in committed relationships not care about how they look outwardly most of the time. Their appearance is the least of their concerns because they are comfortably in love with each other.
The suspicions can arise when one of them suddenly worries about how they look. The partner can make excuses that they haven’t groomed themselves in a long time and miss looking good. However, there is an intention to dress well.
You will notice your partner do things that never mattered to them when they cheated on you. They can even buy expensive clothes and jewelry to look good for the other person, which they never did during their whole time together. It is impossible for a person to suddenly have a taste for expensive and beautiful clothes when they have never had that habit in the past.
They will get triggered when you question them about their sudden interest in their appearances. You can get the blame for not allowing them to look good and making them feel average. There will be a lot of guilt-tripping when you question someone cheating on you.
Expert advice: Seeking to understand the core problem is something you’ll eventually do. Mostly to heal yourself of the pain. Research studies have shown that ‘cheaters’ are often struggling with internal issues, trauma, or even just exposure to cheating growing up that has normalized this behavior.
You Are The Problem
Another common pattern we can observe among cheaters is they will blame their partners for their shortcomings. They find it hard to accept their faults and lay the blame on somebody else.
Cheaters will give you different reasons to make you take the fall for their behaviors. If you question them, they will tell you how you never cared for their emotional well-being or how you gave more attention to other needs.
They will justify their actions by saying they needed to feel the love from somewhere else since they received it from you. This is a lie because if they lacked love, they would communicate it with you.
They have a conflict of ideas, thinking they cheated because they need more affection. That’s how they justify what they do and, in return, start criticizing you. They will say that you never made an effort to understand their needs, making you feel guilty.
You should not fall for such mind games from cheaters, as the problem lies with them. A strong partner will never allow themselves to cheat, even if they struggle with something. They will rather talk it out with you.
See also: Messages to a cheating girlfriend
Cheaters Will Blame You For Cheating In The First Place
Have you ever been accused of cheating by a partner that cheated on you? Have they accused you of doing something to justify their unwarranted behavior?
If not, you should understand that cheaters will accuse you of cheating to validate their actions. For example, let’s say you are a woman with some male friends whom you are close to. Your partner never had a problem with you keeping in touch with them or hanging out with you guys in the past.
However, if you catch him cheating, he will say that it was all because of you. Your partner will make up an excuse that he felt cheated on by you since you were in touch with your make friends.
When you try to defend yourself, it will make it seem like you instigated his behavior. This will make you contemplate your actions, and you tend not to bring up the topic to avoid hurting your partner’s sentiments. You will feel guilty for making him upset and blame yourself.
You must not get caught up in this act, as it is very common for cheaters to deflect the blame toward their partners. This is how people start abusing their partners in relationships. You must never be silent on such issues and bring them up till you find the truth.
See also: Do you have a toxic girlfriend?
Cheaters Will Always Want To Know About Your Whereabouts
Your partner might call you during work, asking what you are doing. It sounds very romantic, right?
It is romantic if the intention is right, but most cheaters use this trick to learn about your schedule. This gives them an idea of where you will be and for how long. They will use the time when you are not home to bring over a sexual partner to cheat on you at home.
Even if it is not at home, they will go elsewhere to cheat on you. When you are home, they will be fresh as a fiddle, waiting at home with a warm dinner cooked for you. You will not know what your partner is doing behind your back.
When your partner frequents these calls asking about your whereabouts, you should realize something is at play. When they call daily to ask about your schedule, it is not being concerned about you but because they want to do something behind your back.
If you are suspicious, you can give them a time you’ll be home and surprise them by visiting your home before that time. This will give you confirmation of their actions.
See also: Important values in life
Doesn’t Talk To You Much
When your partner stops communicating with you like they used to, there is usually something wrong. If you have done nothing wrong to upset them, you have reasons to suspect their lack of communication.
You should look for signs even while texting on the phone. If your partner was a passionate communicator when you started but sent you one-worded responses, they must be doing something wrong.
Romantic partners do not suddenly stop talking unless someone has interests elsewhere. If your partner stops listening to your conversations or refuses to answer some uncomfortable questions, there is reason or you to suspect them.
Trust Your Instinct
There is nothing better than instinct when it comes to sense that something is going wrong in your life. Your intuition will not lie to you most of the time. If you have a gut feeling that something is fishy, it usually turns out to be true.
You are the only person who knows your partner inside out, and if there is something off about them, your intuition will surely let you know. Following your intuition can teach you a lot about why your partner is acting strange.
If you feel your partner is cheating, the best remedy is to ask them the truth. How they respond will tell you if they are being truthful.
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.