I didn’t love getting this email. I opened it and it said, “Hey Ryan, what are signs that your husband hates you? I feel like he does but I don’t know what to do…” Okay, well, the first thing is this—he probably doesn’t hate you. Love and “hate” are often very close to each other, emotionally.
Conflicts are common in any relationship, but if you’re going online to learn about the telltale signs your husband hates you, you might have ignored working on them for a long time.
Love and hate are common emotions, and we won’t feel head over heels throughout the whole relationship. However, many couples experience relationship problems after marriage due to stress, unresolved issues, miscommunication, lack of support, and cheating.
So, now it’s time to read this article and honestly ask, does your spouse resent you? Why does this happen, and what should you do about it? We’ll answer your questions, so let’s dive in.
11 Signs Your Husband Hates You
Hate is a big word, but many married people experience this negative feeling toward their partner. This happens if their spouse is always emotionally, physically, or verbally attacking them, isn’t invested in the relationship, or simply makes them feel unworthy.
Human emotions are complicated, and people feel and react differently to triggers. Yet, some apparent signs show that you and your husband are about to hit a roadblock, and if you don’t do anything about it, your marriage will be in danger. Here are some signs to look out for.
1. He’s Giving You the Silent Treatment
You don’t ignore someone you love and care about. Yet, your husband taking some space doesn’t mean your relationship is over.
If you’ve been fighting and your spouse is keeping his distance, this might be his way of cooling off until you can talk things through. Nevertheless, when the silent treatment goes on for days or weeks, your spouse might be thinking about the value of your relationship as a whole.
Ask yourself, why are you unable to communicate? Are you constantly criticizing and attacking your husband? Is he having a rough time and just needs some space to clear his head?
The best thing you can do is to ask for an honest conversation. Then, speak calmly about how this silent treatment makes you feel and see how you can both work things out.
2. He’s Always On His Phone
When your husband is spending all his time with his face glued to his phone, there’s a big chance he doesn’t like spending time with you. People get absorbed in the digital world when they can’t deal with the people and situations around them. It can also become addictive.
After finishing work, you and your spouse should have time to catch up, watch a movie, or discuss your day. If your husband prefers to engage in digital conversations, you and he are drifting apart. You might notice that you’re also spending more time on social media.
Explain to your husband how frustrated you are and ask why he doesn’t want to engage in a meaningful conversation. For example, he might be trying to avoid a potential fight, and in this case, you should ask yourself why he dreads conversing with you.
Pointing fingers is always easier, but it takes two people to make a marriage work or fail.
3. He Stays Out More
Does your husband skip dinner to spend more time at work? Does he cancel plans with you to go out with his friends?
Everyone should have a group of friends, and spending time with them away from your spouse is good for the relationship. Yet, if your husband would rather spend time away from home than with you, then this is a problem you shouldn’t ignore.
Plan a romantic dinner and ensure he knows the exact time. You should have a serious and honest conversation if he cancels or doesn’t show up.
Remember that people can get mean when attacked, so try not to be so resentful, even if you’re angry. You aim to make things work out, not make him feel bad.
4. He’s Always Fighting With You
Does every little misunderstanding turn into a big fight? There’s a big chance that your husband doesn’t like how you deal with things, which is why you’re constantly fighting together.
If you’ve always been critical of his ways or opinions, he might be too aggressive in defending his point of view and fighting with you over the little things.
Some people fight as a defense mechanism if their spouse is too negative. However, this doesn’t mean that the problem is always you.
It could be his inability to see the world from a different perspective. Either way, this will make your relationship toxic, and you’ll both struggle to make things work.
The best thing to do is to have an honest conversation about the constant fighting. If he feels that you’re continuously assaulting or attacking him, then step back. Apologize if you’ve made a mistake, and try to let some things pass.
Related: How do I tell if he loves me (signs)
5. He Makes Rude Comments
Your husband will always praise your attitude and looks when he’s in love with you. But it’s OK to laugh with you about certain things.
Yet, when he’s always criticizing your actions, the way you look, and the way you speak, there’s a big chance that he’s not that fond of you anymore. Things can be worse if he’s doing this in front of people, embarrassing you in front of strangers.
It’s OK to feel hurt, and even if you don’t react on the spot, you should talk about how this makes you feel. Give him the benefit of the doubt, as he might not know how this affects you. Nevertheless, if he’s doing this purposefully, you should ask him to stop.
6. He Doesn’t Enjoy Spending Time With You
When your husband is never around, doesn’t like to spend time with you, or seems distracted and bored when he does, there’s a big chance that he doesn’t like you the way he used to. Of course, some husbands would still make time for you, but in your heart, you know he lost interest because he’s distant and closed off.
Although it’s painful to know that your spouse enjoys spending time and doing things alone, you need to ask yourself why this happens. Have you been focusing on your needs and ignoring his? Do you push him into situations that he doesn’t feel comfortable in?
You can do several things to solve this issue. Start by putting his needs first, and ask him about what he wants to do. If something feels uncomfortable or stressful, you can skip it for a while or do it alone. You can also talk honestly about why he likes spending time alone or away from you.
7. He’s Not Showing Affection
Apart from physical intimacy, showing affection through hugs, cuddles, holding hands, and even patting someone on the shoulder shows us that our spouse cares for us. If your husband stopped doing this, then there’s definitely a problem with your relationship.
People don’t stop showing affection all of a sudden, but they gradually lose interest. So, you’ll notice that he’s keeping a distance, and he’s not as affectionate as he used to be.
Yet, this doesn’t always have to be a problem related to you or your relationship. For example, your husband might be struggling with a personal problem or serious issue at work and be just occupied.
Start by showing affection and approach him to see how he reacts. He might not give you enough attention because he’s going through a lot. However, if he doesn’t seem interested, you must have an honest conversation.
Related: Signs a marriage is over (what to look for)
8. You Feel Taken For Granted
As a married couple, you have some shared responsibilities, but when your spouse starts leaving all the responsibilities for you to handle, then there’s something that you should address.
A successful marriage is all about cooperation and appreciation. So, when you or your husband do something, you should always acknowledge each other’s efforts.
If he stopped saying thank you for the little things, appreciating how you care for the house or handling your shared responsibilities, there’s definitely a problem. He might start expecting more of you without putting effort into the relationship. Not only is this a sign that he doesn’t like you anymore, but you might also start resenting him.
Even as a married couple, you should have boundaries. Discuss what you expect from your relationship and see how your husband reacts. Remind him that it takes two people to make this marriage work.
9. He’s Too Controlling
Many men like to be in charge, but if your husband never lets you speak your mind or do what you please, you might be dealing with a controlling man or a narcissist. He doesn’t respect your opinions or feelings and always makes you feel unworthy.
It’s a red flag when your husband makes decisions, makes plans, or changes them without checking with you first. He might ignore what you feel about home decorations or a new appliance, which can make you uncomfortable.
The very little things matter, like the big ones, including an investment opportunity or something related to your kids. So, you should have a serious conversation and remind him that you’re partners.
10. He Doesn’t Respect You
This is one of the most common problems couples deal with, as being comfortable around someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect them. Even after years of marriage, you and your husband should show respect towards each other, or your relationship will be doomed.
This includes respecting each other’s privacy, dreams, challenges, feelings, boundaries, and obligations. If he takes everything related to you lightly and doesn’t show respect for how you feel about people or situations, this is a sign that he might not be in love with you as he used to be.
It’s essential to set boundaries. Talk about what you like and dislike, and ensure your husband knows you’re not OK with this behavior.
11. He’s Cheating
Unfortunately, people will cheat when they’re no longer in love with their spouses. It might happen due to various reasons, but your husband won’t cheat on you if he loves you and care about saving the marriage.
Some people prefer to wait for some signs, while others will directly speak their minds. Talk honestly about what’s missing in your relationship and why he decided to pursue someone else. If you consider separation, you must discuss what’s best for your kids.
Wrap Up—Signs Your Husband Hates You
Relationships are tricky, and we might fall out of love with our partners. So, if you’re not sure that your husband still loves you, you can check out these signs and see how many of them apply to your relationship.
The earlier you address a problem, the easier the solution will be. Yet, you should remember that you both should be willing to make things work to save your marriage.
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.