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Signs Your Husband is Not Attracted to You (UH OH!!)

Some scientists actually believe that when we experience heartbreak, there is actually a path back… According to a study by Sandra J. E. Langeslag and Jan W. van Strien, falling out of love is the main reason for divorce. It isn’t cheating or infidelity—like some might think. And that seems to make sense if you really think about it! If you’re here—you’re looking for signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore. If that’s the case, it’s important you read closely…

My Experience With This…

Before we get into this, let me share a little bit about my experience. Firstly, as a social worker and professional—we see a lot of cases where people are falling out of love with each other.

In many of these situations, families and children are part of the picture. And it’s really terrible. No child will ever remember the fancy house that they grew up in. But they certainly will remember the mom and dad who didn’t love each other.

Because of this, the term “childhood trauma” has gotten a household name. And it’s quite unfortunate. Based on my own experience—I can tell you that these would be the signs to look for if you think he fell out of love with you.

Related: Signs of a disrespectful husband

husband and wife cooking - signs your husband is not attracted to you

30 Strong Signs Your Husband Isn’t Attracted To You Anymore

—Here are some strong signs he isn’t attracted to you anymore:

  1. He’s disconnected during dinners and events.
  2. There’s no planning of dates anymore.
  3. When it comes to getting intimate, he steps away from the situation.
  4. His drive feels like it’s weakening (both at work and elsewhere).
  5. There’s no interest to work on the kids or things that are important to the family.
  6. You feel like you have to put yourself out there a little bit too much for him.
  7. There’s always this feeling like you have to care for him a little bit too much.
  8. When you’re together, he’s on his phone and not looking at you.
  9. He won’t compliment you about your clothing or what you look like.
  10. You can’t remember the last time that you went on a date together.

See also: Signs your husband hates you

10 more signs that would indicate he’s losing his attraction to you

—Signs your husband isn’t attracted to you

  1. When you’re driving, you see him looking at other women (sometimes younger).
  2. You found him visiting websites that are about other women or girls.
  3. There’s a strong affinity or interest of someone that’s a female (could even be a celebrity).
  4. He asks you questions that kind of put you down—like, “Why are you wearing that?”
  5. He doesn’t seem to do random romantic things for you any longer.
  6. There’s no physical touch, like a quick grab on the way to the bathroom, or anything like that.
  7. Whenever you get close to him, he feels like he’s been defeated.
  8. You’re always having to compliment him to get his attention.
  9. There feels like there’s game playing between the two of you.
  10. If he wants to get intimate, he wants it to be very quick and not put any effort in.

Related: Signs your husband doesn’t value you

husband wife hugging

Signs he’s not attracted to you, period—there’s no changing this

—Signs your husband is NOT attracted to you, period!

  1. When you’re in need of help around the house or in life—he leaves you to your own devices.
  2. There’s more of a concern with his own life than yours.
  3. He might have a female friend or co-worker that he talks to or talks about—a little too much!
  4. When you kiss, you don’t feel him actually taking his time.
  5. There’s more “cheek kissing” going on than anything else.
  6. When he touches you, informally, it feels like it’s more of a brother/sister type of situation.
  7. That feeling of butterflies in your stomach isn’t showing up when he looks at you.
  8. The two of you are constantly fighting or bickering about something.
  9. He doesn’t text you during the day just to say hello.
  10. He’s not really willing to tell you where he’s going or why he’s going somewhere.
marriage ceremony - signs your husband is not attracted to you

Here’s what to do about all of this…

The first thing I like to tell women who are going through this is this—is there a chance that maybe you’re the problem? Wow, I bet you weren’t expecting to hear that, right? Here’s the thing that I’ve found—men don’t physically fall out of love with a really great woman.

Here are some things that you should take a look at. And if you don’t feel like they have fallen into these buckets—then you can disregard them, entirely.

1: You’re not making him your #1

Let’s say the two of you have kids—then this gets really hard. But men and women should be making each other their #1. Maybe work is getting in the way. Or something else is getting in the way. If that’s the case, you should seek a marriage counselor.

This is because two couples who start to put other priories in front of their marriage or in front of their relationship—should probably expect this result! Take a look at your life and determine if there’s a real chance that the two of you might not be working on maintaining your connection enough.

2: There’s a chance you’ve been too hard on him

There’s another chance that you’re not supporting him. For example, maybe he’s got things going on at work that he’s really not sharing with you. If that’s the case—why is it that he’s not sharing them with you? It’s time to take a look at the relationship and make sure that you’re being a supportive figure.

A womanly figure, too. Once you are, there’s a good chance that all of his hormones for you will come rushing back. Maybe he’s just feeling hurt by you and doesn’t really know how to say it or express it.

3: You’re thinking that intimate moments are only what love is

Love is not in the bedroom. I hope that by now—you know that! Take a look all around. If there’s isn’t good life balance going on, then he’s probably not going to feel like he’s very attracted to you. Just like you would be for him—he’s going to want to see that your life is maintained in a positive, balanced, and well-valued way.

For example, if he’s seeing that values in your children aren’t happening the way he anticipated—that could be a sign that he’s losing faith in your parenting skills. And that will have a strong impact on your love life.

4: You haven’t talked to him about the problem

There’s a chance that you really haven’t sat down and had a mature conversation about what’s going on between the two of you. If that’s the case—what are you doing? You need to be able to have good disagreement and conflict resolution between the two of you.

If you got this far without good planing, then I commend you. But this might be an indicator that the two of you need to sit down and do some better planning together.

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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