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Why People Don’t Like Me

I got an email the other day, “Ryan, why don’t people like me? Is there something I’m doing that is setting people off?” Well, that’s a great question. And getting to the bottom of why people don’t like you can be a deep-rooted thing.

When someone doesn’t like you, it really shows. It could be your best friend, a family member, or someone you’ve had in your life only recently.

But hang in there; you might find our list helpful. So why don’t people like you? Here are 50 possibilities.

Getting to the bottom of why people don't like you can be hard!
Getting to the bottom of why people don’t like you can be hard!

It’s Just A Matter of Personality—Potential Reasons for the Issues

There are plenty of reasons why people don’t like you, and most of them have to do with your personality. Here are 10 shortcomings in your personality that might make you an unlikable person. 

  1. You are too boring for certain people 

People’s interests change as time passes by. They might not always be into the same things you are or vice versa. People will find you boring if you cannot grow with them on certain interests, so always try to understand their likes and dislikes. 

  1. You don’t listen attentively, and it hurts them.  

Everyone loves a good listener, which is exactly why you should learn how to be attentive when people are speaking. When someone shares something, the best thing you can do is listen closely and remember as many details as you can so they don’t feel taken for granted. 

  1. You only remember people when it’s convenient

Friendship goes both ways, meaning you have to make time for others according to their convenience. Don’t always expect people to be there for you, especially if you only interact with them during your spare time. So show some more interest; write to them when you can, or call them whenever they need you.

  1. You only give out negative energy

You might be going through a tough time, making you take out your frustrations on others. Nobody likes that, especially when they’re also dealing with personal problems. 

There should always be room for positive energy, no matter how frustrating life can get. It’s perfectly fine to ignore your problems and negative feelings for a while and focus on your happiness and of those around you. 

  1. You don’t care about personal space

Personal space is very important to everyone; nobody will appreciate you if you don’t respect it. Being too extroverted can make you disrespect boundaries, which might explain why people don’t like you. 

  1. You are a sore loser, and it shows

Losing is a part of life, and everyone goes through it occasionally. Try to show some sportsmanship during such incidences and avoid venting your frustrations on someone else. 

  1. You can’t take jokes; it angers you

Having a sense of humor is a gift! Everyone loves a comedian, but the key to earning people’s love and admiration is to smile and be a sport when others crack jokes at you. Don’t take it personally! 

  1. You blame everyone but yourself

Constantly blaming people when things go wrong is the complete opposite of what a likable person should do. Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. 

  1. You are too self-centered.  

Stealing the spotlight occasionally is fine, but doing it every time can be seen as hostile behavior. Main character syndrome might work in high school, but it’s rarely seen as a good trait in the real world. 

Don’t interrupt people when they’re having their moment; life is not just about you! Be a better person and accept that others deserve the spotlight too. 

  1. You don’t have a kind heart, and they notice 

Most people can tell whether or not you have a good heart and it shapes how they treat you. You might tend to complain too much, or perhaps you’re too unsympathetic to understand others. Or maybe you don’t show remorse or an inkling of concern for anyone else. Such traits can be off-putting to others.

Feeling like people don't like you can make you sad and depressed!
Feeling like people don’t like you can make you sad and depressed!

Your Own Self-Confidence Is Bringing You Down—Why People Don’t Like You

Being confident is not a crime, but apparently, it can be annoying and overbearing for your friends or family.

While there is nothing wrong with being extroverted, you should always remember to read the room and consider what someone else might feel. Here are 15 ways your self-confidence might hurt others. 

  1. You are loud and obnoxious.  

Being loud is ok if you’re at Disneyland, but definitely not all the time. Most people don’t like being with loud or obnoxious folks, which negatively affects the relationship over time. 

  1. You are too controlling

Do you have the habit of controlling people? Or bossing them around? That would explain why some people might dislike your actions. It’s ok to let go and give control to someone else from time to time; it would be quite a pleasant surprise.

  1. You brag about everything

You have so many reasons to feel special that you end up bragging beyond what is considered normal. It could be about how much money you make or how exciting your new relationship is. Whatever the case, it could become frustrating and annoying for those who listen. So be humble when you accomplish something, and don’t oversell your ability.

  1. You never consider anyone else’s ideas

It’s difficult not to be self-centered when you are doing amazing at work, but it might also turn you into a cocky person who never listens to others. Don’t forget that you aren’t the only smart person in the room. Be open to more ideas from those around you and try to understand the value of their thought process. 

  1. You always criticize others

People will recognize this pattern and will ultimately avoid you for it. It might start with them avoiding you or pretending they didn’t see you, to completely disregarding your friendship. 

  1. You talk over others

You ought to listen when others speak instead of interrupting them in the middle of their story. Sitting through their mundane stories may be boring, but it doesn’t give you the right to talk over others. Good friends always support and hear each other out, so take your interruptions to the back seat. 

  1. You hardly agree with anyone

Arguments can break out regarding anything and everything. It might bring some issues if you are not generally agreeable. We recommend being diplomatic during such incidences to avoid creating any grudges; concede your arguments if they anger the person in front of you. 

  1. You always give unsolicited advice.  

Don’t you just hate it when someone gives you unsolicited advice despite having no clue about the reality of the situation? If that’s the case, you can understand why it would be best not to do the same to others. Unsolicited advice can infuriate people, especially if they’re having a bad day. 

  1. You’re too vocal about everything

Whether it’s about politics, the recent Oscar debate, or Andrew Tate’s latest shenanigans, you don’t have to be so vocal about your beliefs. Your friends get how you feel but are definitely not in the mood to be sucked into your rants all the time. Put more effort into giving someone else the mantle.

  1. Your confidence intimidates others

Plenty of people go through low self-esteem and are uncomfortable with someone who generates confidence with every breath. Your inflated conviction in life might appear intimidating to others. 

  1. You turn your problem into everyone’s problem. 

Your friends are there to help you out when you need them. But that doesn’t mean you can always start drama and expect them to have your back. Be considerate of other people’s moods. 

  1. You make everything about yourself

It’s ok to be self-centered once in a while, but you need to keep room for others as well. Don’t force someone to be engrossed in your life; people are usually busy with a million different things. 

  1. You keep lecturing people

You never learned to be fine with someone else’s bad habits, so you tend to lecture them every opportunity you get. This has to stop immediately. Nobody likes a constant criticizer. 

  1. You are obsessive, and it’s annoying

Bring too obsessive can lead to you wanting to control everything. So learn to let go and not be particular about every single thing. There’s not much you can do about it if you suffer from OCD, but a recent study sheds light on understanding it better. 

  1. You never admit defeat

It can be difficult to admit when you’ve been bested in an argument or acknowledge that someone else can do the task better than you. Don’t hang onto your pride; it’s the most useless quality. Humbleness is the most wonderful trait to have.

The reality is that we need each other. We are social creatures.
The reality is that we need each other. We are social creatures.

Why People Don’t Like You: Is There Such A Thing As A One-Sided Relationship?

Every relationship is a two-way street and each individual in the group is an important part of the family unit. You might notice people tend to avoid you when you don’t fulfill your end of the deal. Here are 15 signs you are in a one-sided friendship. 

  1. You’re too dependent on others

Life is difficult as it is without having to take care of someone else. Learn to be self-reliant if you want to earn people’s approval. 

  1. You don’t respect others, and they know it.  

You can’t go through your whole life thinking you are the most important person in the world; because you’re not. Learn to give others their due respect if you want to be taken seriously. You don’t have to do something that will make their heart melt, but a few acknowledgments or compliments would be nice to hear.

  1. You’re never happy for anyone else

People can tell when you are genuinely happy for them, so make sure to leave a positive vibe when someone achieves a milestone in life. Remember to humble yourself during someone else’s shining moment. 

Related: How to set healthy boundaries

  1. You force people to do what you like 

Some people will have likes and interests that are opposite to what you consider fun. Not acknowledging or including their interests will have a negative impact and might even be considered bullying. There will definitely be some prominent mental effects due to it, as mentioned in this study

  1. You are not considerate of their depression

It’s not easy to handle someone’s depression, which is why depressed people often isolate themselves even from their closest friends. We suggest going through this study to understand depression better so you can be a positive element in their life. 

  1. You never pay for anything

It doesn’t matter whether you make good money or not; friends should always split the bill! 

  1. You don’t know how to express love

If you like someone, show it! Don’t be afraid to express your admiration or passion for someone who deserves it. It will help you connect more with the people you love. You can always show love in your own way, there’s nothing wrong with being unconventional.

  1. You aren’t dependable.  

There will be circumstances in your life when you have to make grand efforts to help or protect someone. People don’t like being let down, so do the right thing and prove they can depend on you. 

  1. You rarely smile 

Smiles are one thing that you can be extremely generous with. It shows that you’re having a wonderful time and are grateful for this experience. People dislike those who don’t smile, so do give it a try! It will certainly make you appear more approachable, which is a good thing. 

  1. Spending time with you is not fun

You might genuinely enjoy being with someone, but is the feeling mutual? It’s important to know whether people like hanging out with you. If not, you should work on improving that. 

Related: Negative personality traits

  1. You don’t wait for anyone

It can be very easy to leave slow people behind if you’re a fast learner and extremely competent. Show some humbleness during such scenarios and consider balancing your pace with that of others. 

  1. You never let anyone live down their mistakes.  

People make mistakes just like you, so don’t remind them of past errors or bad decisions. Help them get over it instead. 

  1. You don’t show up when people need you

Timing is crucial, especially when it comes to being there for your friends. So don’t skip out when there’s a close friend in need, especially if they happened to have been there for you in the past. 

  1. You are too blunt 

Honesty is an admirable trait, but not everyone can handle it when they are vulnerable. If you have a habit of pointing out everyone’s dirty laundry, we suggest you tone it down a notch. 

  1. You can never keep a secret

Some people have an innate ability to win people’s trust, but others don’t. If your friend shares a deep secret with you, we recommend being hush about it. Certain things are not meant to be revealed, and we hope you can respect that. 

Things About You That Shouldn’t Affect A Genuine Friendship (Reasons Why People SHOULD Like/Support You)

There might be certain aspects to your personality that you just can’t control, even though it makes people uncomfortable. It could be your body language or a certain ideology you adhere to, or maybe you tend to avoid eye contact while talking and can’t help it.

While you can’t erase these traits, you can certainly ensure they don’t ruin your friendship with someone. 

  1. You have social anxiety.  

Although it sounds harsh, not everyone will be willing to deal with your anxiety. The best you can do is inform them of your anxiety disorder and hope they can look past it. 

  1. You suffer from ADHD

Suffering from attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder can definitely hamper multiple relationships unless you make people aware of your condition. Take a look at this study to learn more. 

  1. You don’t like small talk

Friends can get hurt if they feel you’re always forcing yourself to converse with them. Learn how to be more receptive and responsive during your many small talk sessions, even if you hate it! 

  1. People fear what you might say

You might have said or done something that didn’t sit well with others. It might have hurt them, made them scared, or even agitated them to a certain degree. It’s not too late to apologize. 

Related: Qualities of a good man

  1. You are not the best person to hang out with 

You won’t always be the best choice to spend time with, and that’s alright. Look inwards and see what you can improve. 

  1. Your job requires you to be tough

Some professions demand a strict mindset, and that’s alright. Although you can’t expect people to see past it, you can always try to make it more digestible for them. 

  1. You don’t know how to make someone feel secure

Some friends are natural motivators; others are not. It’s ok if you belong to the second group; just remember to be extra considerate of others. 

  1. You are too career-oriented 

It can be surprising to learn that some people will dislike you for being too career-oriented. Just remember that your own interest should not hijack someone else’s goal. Not everyone is trying to get to the same place. 

  1. They don’t like your political or cultural beliefs

It’s not uncommon to find differences when it comes to cultural or political ideologies. Don’t turn things into a competition, but rather, transform the conversation into a diplomatic discussion. 

  1. They don’t like your race, gender, or social background

There’s nothing much you can do in this case. Just remember to love yourself and always try to find common ground with those who don’t like you. 

Fact checked:
Board reviewed by Marianne Tomlinson, LCSW (Couples and Family Therapy). Content is rigorously reviewed by a team of qualified and experienced fact checkers. Learn more.

About the author

Ryan Sanderson (LCSW) Ryan is a game and relationship enthusiast who enjoys all things quizzes, games, fun, love, relationships, and family. He's a licensed social worker and helps families, couples, and children in need. He's spoken about love and relationships on Salon.com, Forbes, and Mirror, to name a few.

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